Behind Enemy Lines (D.M.)

Chapter 8: Dirty Little Secret

Chapter Eight (Years of Prisoner of Azkaban/ Summer of Goblet of Fire)

It was a dark rest of the year- not just because of the rain or the dementors that had swarmed the Forbidden Forest. I had this gut wrenching feeling after the bridge, but I had chalked it up to Draco's nasty comments. I had awoken to howling that night and soon after my scar was tingling. I tried to ignore it; to just be the good little shadow and stay hidden in my bed. It was the blurry state followed by dead mother's shrieking that really put the icing on the cake.

I found myself in the Slytherin common room staring at the fire. I watched as flames licked the air. I don't know how long I had sat there, waiting for my scar to stop.

"Lily?" I jumped when I heard my voice. I pulled my wide eyes away from the fire, just to see a sleepy Blaise Zabini. He had a large plain shirt and plaid green pajama pants. "What are you doing in here?"

I looked around, realizing I had been so preoccupied on zoning out. "I-I... I guess I lost track of time."

Blaise gave me a sleepy smile. "You should go to bed. It's like 4 in the morning." He was walking towards the shared boy's bathroom entrance. "Unless you were waiting for someone..." He trailed off suggestively.

I let out a dry "Ha...ha..." Trying to keep my eyes from the fire, I guess I was pretty sleepy. My scar had stopped annoying me, though the deep pit of worry was still there. I wouldn't know until later from Minverva or the rest of the school gossip. Slowly, I sat up with the emerald green blanket still wrapped around my shoulders.

"Uhm, Lily?" Blaise asked hesitantly. I turned back towards him to see him with his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants. "Vincent mentioned..." This was awkward. "Vincent heard things on the bridge and just... I'm sorry he's just an asshole." It was evident he was talking about Draco and I's encounter. I tried to keep my face stoic, not showing how much his words really affected me. My chest tightened.

"It's fine," I brushed it off.

"I think... He just likes to get under your skin."

"I guess." I didn't want to talk about Draco Malfoy anymore. His words just played like a broken record, and each time stung worse. A traitor. Pathetic. A little shadow. "Goodnight, Zabini."

"Goodnight, Lily." Blaise scratched the back of his head before trailing off to the washrooms. 

It felt like every school was going to be the same. Harry Potter saving the day alongside his best friends. News spread quickly about Harry saving Buckbeak and fighting against a dementor in the Forbidden Forest. No one cared that my scar burned when he passed out- because no one knew.

I felt a heaviness in my chest. Maybe it was from Draco's words looming in my head, the sadness of knowing I couldn't leave this tower of solitude, or that I was trying to push down jealousy. I know the world was buzzing around me but I just kept my head down. I tried to get sucked into new books but they weren't transporting me to far away places. I could barely focus on the task in front of me, even if it was eating, without getting stuck inside my head. How was I going to spend this last month before summer? It was like the sky reflected my feelings because it was unusually rainy this week.

"Are you even listening to what I have to say, Topert?" I blinked when I heard my name, not even bothering to look up.

"Sorry, OWLS are coming," I try to use my potions book in front of me as an excuse. We were currently sorted in our Houses for breakfast. I had sat with the usual girls but didn't pay Daphne or Pansy much mind. I figured they were too busy talking to each other to try and include me.

"I was trying to talk about the Quidditch party but I guess since you don't want to go..." Pansy trailed off. I felt my lip twitch. What's the point in going? "You've been a real bloody treat to sit with," she scoffed.