Hopelessly Devoted

63: Part 1.

The noise was excruciating to my ears for being such a soft whimper. Maybe it was the effect of the drugs, maybe it was my subconscious letting me know that I was most likely next. The violent thrashing was the next noise, but then it was followed by a soft blow. A blow that sounded like a heavy wind. Then the noise stopped.

A deafening silence is, unironically, a horrible thing to be hearing. A few months ago I would have laughed at you if you had said that to me. How could it be possible for such an oxymoron to be so true? How can one find themselves in such a situation out of mere stupidity?

I've asked myself this question before. I spoke my thoughts on it before. To him.

In the bookstore I told him how the idiocy of love was so frustrating in Romeo and Juliet's story. Both blinded by such love for each other it became the downfall of them both. Both of them trying to save the other was the key to their self destruction and everyone reading knew that.

"I turn down the aisle of romantic fiction, scanning the spines once more. Romance was always my favorite genre, I blame it for my high expectations. However, I was never a fan of the classic Romeo and Juliet. The idiocy of each character made me mad, they were so blinded with love for each other that they couldn't see the flaws in their plans."

It only took three chapters for people to find that out about Harry and I.

Because how could we be so stupid? How could we fall so hard for the other when we both knew we would be each other's complete weakness. I knew Harry wasn't allowed weakness and even then I made myself his biggest threat. His fallen star. His fallen angel was what I was becoming.

Now isn't that such a tragedy? A pitiful tragedy our story was going to be.

He did love me so much it was almost unmatchable.

"I'm stuck on you Blue. Just like the night sticks to the moon. I can't get enough of you. My entire being is consumed by you, and never once have I ever doubted my unconditional, undying, love for you, Blake. So yes, I love you, and I promise to never stop." His teary eyes stare so hard into my eyes that nobody could break the connection even if they tried. "I'll be whatever you want me to be. I'll be whoever you need me to be. I can't bear the thought of being without you. The sky would be a whole lot darker, baby." Just like the night sticks to the moon. I was his moon, and I was the only light in his dark sky.

So like so many hours before and before, I sit, tied to a chair and drugged up listening to the painful whimpers of another while I'm too much of a coward to open my eyes and see who it is.

But that's the thing. I think I know who's whimpering. I just don't want to confirm it for myself.

I was now the cowardly lion, switching between stories and characters now. A person who usually had such bravery while surrounded by the people he was comfortable with, but then the second he is diminished of his throne and cloak of love and passion. He is stripped bare and left unhinged in his own mind. The cowardly lion they called him.

The havoc in my head, I wish the static would stop.

I'm sorry for letting you down, Anna.

I'm sorry for letting you down, Meredith.

I'm sorry for letting you down, my love. My Sunshine.

I never should've left the safe house.

"Please don't." The voice in the background of my thoughts cracked. The whimpers of whoever is now being replaced with a soft begging. A mumbling almost. Slurred speech and incoherent translations of words were all that could be expected from them. Whoever it was.