The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 63

After Fallon and Briya left to go to work, I called my dad at the bakery to tell him I'd slept well, which was a lie. My entire night was fraught with dreams about Shawn and what we'd shared. It felt like I was dreaming about the past, but in reality I was dreaming about a dream. Each time I woke up crying over what I no longer had, which I knew was unreasonable.

Doctor Morris seemed to think that with time the memory of what I'd imagined during my coma would fade away. I had mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, if I lost the dream, I wouldn't miss Shawn so much, but conversely, I didn't want to forget how wonderful it had felt to be in love.

She suggested seeing a therapist if I continued to struggle with readjusting to real life. It wasn't that I was delusional and believed it had all happened; the problem was that it felt real. If this became an issue for my emotional state, I'd definitely get help.

On my first full day home, I found that the worst part of having limited screen access was that I couldn't work. My dad and uncles insisted that I take an extended amount of time off, but I worried that they'd mess up their bookkeeping without me there to manage it all. Plus, I was left with very little to do to fill my day. Movies were out, as was playing mindless games on my phone.

I spent the majority of my time listening to music while staring at the ceiling in my bedroom, though I did kill an hour by calling the bank to get my credit and debit cards replaced and by going online to get a new drivers license. The girls had taken care of getting a new key to my apartment, and thankfully I already had a spare for the car. Losing my purse sucked, but I reminded myself that I could have lost a lot more.

That evening, my dad brought over dinner and dessert and hung out for a bit after we ate, though I felt like he was watching me carefully for any signs of brain damage. I couldn't blame him for worrying, but I wanted him to listen to me when I said I was feeling okay.

Once Dad went home, I decided to reply to Shawn. I procrastinated completing this task all day because I wasn't sure how to thank him. Opening my phone, I ignored all the other messages and went straight to his. As I typed the texts, I remained neutral, though in my head there was a deeper meaning to each message.

Hi, Shawn.

I miss you so much.

I'm home and am feeling pretty good.

My apartment feels empty without you here. Last night I imagined your strong arms around me, which was both comforting and heartbreaking.

I don't know how to adequately thank you for saving my life.

Or for giving me the happiest moments in my dream life.

I owe you so much.

I love you so much.

I waited to see if he'd respond right away, but he didn't. He was a wonderful person for diving into Lake Ontario to save me, and he'd shown that he cared about my recovery by coming to the hospital, but when it came down to it, I was no one to him. I needed to let go of the idea that he was everything to me.

I called both of my grandmas to let them know I was fine. They each kept me on the phone forever, and I was relieved when Bethany arrived to babysit me because it gave me an excuse to end the second call.

"Hey, girl!" she said as she gave me a hug. "How're you feeling?"

"Other than a constant headache, I feel pretty good," I told her. "I'm sorry you got forced into this job."

She waved a hand dismissively. "I don't mind." We chatted for a bit and then she asked, "Where's your TV?"

I took her to my bedroom. "If you want to watch something, you can hang out in here. I'm banned from screens for another week so I'll go read or listen to music in the living room."