Humdard

Qubool

QUBOOL-Accepting

I took a sip of coffee as I made myself comfortable in the rough texture of the armchair. "So..." Ishika's voiced her curiousness as she glanced at me.

"So?" I countered back, taking another sip of coffee in nervousness. As my Sunday routine, I was spending some hours with Ishika.

"There is something troubling you." She voiced, taking a glance at her small yet beautiful café. Sunday meant a day full of chores. Her café, which was in the centre of the city, was rewarded with a bunch of teenagers, couples and numerous adults on Sunday.

She wouldn't be offered a few off moments to even have a conversation with me. Though my landing at her café was an excuse not to spend time with Yash. I was trying to avoid even a second around him.

Ishika pushed the chair to grab a seat beside me and I was brought back to present. "Aru... what's making you so tense?" Suddenly her black orbs filled with concern.

"I..." I hesitated, wetting my dried lip and she kept staring at me in worry. I wasn't sure that I had heard those words. His rough, fierce voice was familiar but my brain was against it. Maybe it was my imagination, maybe it wasn't him.

"Aru..." a small touch on my knuckles made me glance at her. "What is it?" She was encouraging me to utter something. She could feel me growing pale. I was scared, frightened that it could be true.

"It's a small flash of memory or maybe imagination... I am not sure." I paused for a second reconsidering my decision to share those words with her. It wasn't like I didn't trust her but rather I was afraid of her conclusion. That it could be true but I wanted it to be my illusion.

"I heard Yash expressing his feeling towards me in my sleepy state. I can be wrong and I think I am... why would he? No! It's just my mind bringing..." I kept blabbering trying to calm my restless, fear-stricken mind.

"Calm down!" Ishika squeezed my wrist. "Take a long breath," she blinked at me in assurance. "Here..." she offered a glass of water but I denied it. "Now, explain it again. What had happened?" She asked softly as if she was dealing with her three-year-old girl.

Closing my eyes and inhaling deeply. I narrated the small flashes I had about the words uttered by Yash. Ishika kept staring at me for a minute longer. Listening to my every word and slowly observing me before uttering the statement. "It could be the truth..." she muttered very softly as if she voiced a pitch higher I might faint.

"But how is it possible? I had mentioned it to him... I had made it clear our marriage was for namesake." I shook my head in restlessness. "This can't be happening! He can't betray me... he can't hold..." Ishika interrupted me in between.

"Growing feeling for someone... isn't in ones' hand." Whispered Ishika making me glance at her with brimming tears. I was confused! Should I be mad at Yash or feel guilty for playing with his feeling. It would have been much easy if he was an asshole. But he wasn't!

For the past four years, I had surveyed each element. I had observed him thoroughly, attempted to find a fault in him but hadn't find any. He was a perfect father and I should be glad about it but deep down it scared me. I was admiring him for been a better parent than me. I admired him for acting as a good husband when I was hellbound to act the worse wife ever. His last night's words were driving me crazy. It was further increasing my level of guilt. I was using him! I was taking advantage of his kindness and maybe his feeling towards me.

"I am the most selfish creature..." and as a clue tears started flowing down my cheek. The tears of helplessness. "How could I be so selfish! So, fucking..." Ishika's hands were soon wrapped around my shoulder as a support.