Back To You - N.B & D.D

Chapter / One

DIXIE JANE DAMELIO

Heartbreak; overwhelming distress.

When your heart breaks, you're never quite the same person you were while it was still whole. Your world feels like it's constantly running around in circles, getting you nowhere in life besides your bathroom floor, with tears constantly running down your face.

Happiness. It no longer exists. That joy that you felt in your life. The part of you that kept you going. It was gone. Everything was gone. You had no one but yourself. Most days you didn't even have yourself. You had a person you didn't recognize; a stranger.

Going through the process of losing someone to who you have your whole heart, doesn't mean you lose them. You lose a part of yourself. The part that makes you who you are.

"What do you miss most about him?" Dixie's therapist questioned. "His scent." She reminisced on the times he held her in his arms, putting her to sleep. "How so?" She looked down at the ground, hoping the world would stop. Her world was still spinning in circles, and no matter how hard she tried, it never stopped.

"He just always smelled so.... calming. It wasn't something I knew how to explain. I just miss how he used to hold me, and how he smelt like home." The therapist looked at her with sorrow. Dixie was in pain. "Is that it? Do you miss anything else?" She questioned yet again, crossing her legs.

Warm tears began to make their way down her face. She could picture him in front of her. What he would say, how it would make her feel better in an instant. "I miss his eyes. He has such beautiful eyes." She imagined he was looking at her in admiration, just like how he used to.

"He always had this look in his eyes. As if I were the only girl in the world." She looked back to all the nights they spent together, when he would stroke his hand gently along her cheek, reassuring her she was the only one she loved. "I miss being looked at like that." She sighed, looking back down at the ground.

"What about your current boyfriend? Does he not make you feel that way?" The question lingered in her head. She tried to compare the two men. She tried to convince herself of something she didn't truly believe. "He does. But it's different."

Furrowing her eyebrows, the therapist looked at her, waiting patiently for more context. "It's different because I'm not the same person I was before. I don't find comfort in those things now. Not like how I did with Noah."

Her memory went all the way back to when they first started dating. Their endless nights exploring the city, just enjoying each other's company. They used to stare up at the sky, admiring the stars that looked over them. It was peaceful, and it was everything they needed.

"Have you told him that?" She simply nodded her head. Talking was hard. It required a lot of energy, and that was something Dixie didn't have. "And why haven't you?" The questions were becoming too much. "It's the end of our time." She jumped up out of the chair, grabbing her belongings.

"Dixie. We made progress today, I look forward to next week." The therapist flashed her a quick smile before she was able to shut the door. "Progress my ass." Mumbling under her breath, Dixie made her way out of the office. It was calm and peaceful, full of people who just wanted to resolve their problems and nothing more.

~~~~

"How did therapy go? Did you make any progress?" Jaden stood in front of her, grabbing her hand gently, and bringing her towards his chest. She thought about her previous conversation. She didn't smell the scent she wished she could. She didn't feel at home.

"The stupid therapist said that I did, but I don't believe her. We've been going over the same thing over and over again." She backed away, grabbing water from the kitchen. Nothing could keep her mind off of the conversation. Nothing could keep her mind off of what she missed so badly. What she wanted to have back so bad. But also what she knew she never would have back.