afterthought

tears staining his gray henley

They don't talk for nearly a week after. Hailey doesn't mean for it to happen, she honestly just hasn't had the energy to focus on anything outside of work. New Year's had felt too unfettered, she had been too loose with laughter and champagne. And although nothing had happened and she hadn't really let the alcohol take over, she still felt exposed. Weirdly and irrevocably clumsy over his existence.

It's been a week since New Years and the cold that seemed locked away has begun to encroach on the city once again.

It's not the nice type of cold, with snow and pretty white skies. It's just plain cold, with nothing but thick ice and gray sidewalks to show for it. Hailey doesn't mind. She's used to the cold. In some way, it comforts her.

This morning, she soaks in the cold wind from her open window and finds herself perpetually grateful for the feeling of control she often seems to lack.

This morning, among all the other seemingly mundane Thursday mornings, Hailey makes a decision. It's possibly the first clear decision she's made since returning from New York, and it makes her mind stray from the New Year's party.

That feeling of regret is still there, but it's smaller and less powerful, and she thinks that's good enough.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite the cold air that seems to suffocate the city, Hailey walks into the bullpen in a relatively good mood. Kim and Adam come in a few minutes after Hailey, and if she hadn't felt the weather earlier she could tell exactly how cold it is by the state they are in now.

"Just when I thought it couldn't get any colder." Kim huffs as she throws off her gloves.

Hailey hands the brunette a fresh coffee, just like she had most mornings, and Kim accepts it with a smile.

"None for me?" Adam whines.

Hailey shrugs, suppressing a grin. "Sorry, habit." She lies.

Adam scowls mockingly and turns towards the breakroom. Hailey smiles and lets her eyes lilt towards Jay's desk. It's empty, but it's still fairly early so she's not concerned. She tries to control the way her stomach flips when she thinks of him and gives up trying when she gets lost in her thoughts (they're mostly just of him).

Her blush grows when he comes in and takes a seat in front of her. She knows it's impossible, but still wonders if he can tell she's been thinking of him.

"Morning," He greets her.

Hailey looks up from her desk at his voice and lets her eyes sweep his face. His nose and cheeks are flushed pink from the cold air and an adorable blue beanie covers his ears.

"Hey."

"You want a coffee?"

Hailey smiles softly and shakes her head. "I'm trying to cut back on caffeine and I already had a cup on my way in this morning."

That drags a little chuckle out of the brunette. "You, Hailey Upton, are cutting back on caffeine?"

"What?" Hailey feigns innocence, "I never said I was succeeding, only that I'm trying." She stares at him in disbelief, a smile playing at her lips. "I'm not that dependent on it, am I?"

Jay seals his lips to keep back a laugh and shakes his head playfully. "Oh, definitely not. You are like the least caffeine-dependent person I know."

Kevin bursts into laughter behind the two.

Hailey opens her mouth as she shoots him a look. She gapes at her friends and points a finger at both of them. "Shut up, both of you."

Jay opens his mouth to reply when Trudy walks up the stairs and calls for him. For the first time, Hailey is thankful for the woman's impeccable timing  because the look Jay shoots her as he makes his way out of the bullpen tells her he probably would have said something that would make her laugh embarrassingly loud for the workspace.