[Secret Secret] A SKZ Story

[Chapter 23: Loose You]

Changbin draped over his shoulders to watch his phone, and he let him. He kept on writing.

Lix:
Everyone loves you, sis.
Let's grab some ice-cream later, yes?

There was no read. And he actually didn't like how they all were so close to her. It got him jealous.

Changbin was getting nervous.

-

"I don't understand. Was it something I said? Did I ever made you feel left out?"

"No, Channie. You're my best friend, like a brother. It's me. That's the problem: me. I should leave before I make a mess."

"Something he said? He did?" He put a hand on her shoulders, hugging her side.

"No, Chan. He's really great. It's just me. I don't think I can. I can't be what he needs."

-

"Where are you going?" Han looked up at him.

"This need to be right now." The dancer found his phone and his coat. Someway he had discarded them in the mess that room was. Han had clothes all over the floor.

"You're not making any sense, hyung."

"I'll come back in a moment, Hannie." He smiled and poked his cheek. "This matchmaking job is hard. I'm not sure why I got it. It'll be alright."

When he run into Changbin, he held his hand and dragged him out of the room. No one could figure out what was going on in his head. 4D personality indeed.

-
"What is he asking of you?"

"Nothing really. He just deserves more than I can give." A lone tear fell from her eyes and Bangchan got closer to hug her better.

"Kid, I don't think he cares if you can't give him anything else than your love."

She held into her friend and let every concern in her words. He paid close attention to her every word.

"Do you remember when I told you I don't know if I can get a tattoo? The moment I take off my earings, they close. The ones I can keep are the ones I got when I was a baby. What if he ever wants to have a life with me? I can't even go to a doctor. Nobody can take a blood sample. I'm not sure how I got in here without any medical check. And if he wants kids? I just can't. I don't know if it'll ever work..."

She sobbed as more tears fell on his hoodie. She hold on for dear life and he kept silent, just taking everything in.

"I won't be able to live with myself if I cause him pain, you know? I can't even off myself. And if everything I've done just catches up to me and I die? I've done some heavy shit, Chan. I don't want to be with him just to leave him. The mere thought of breaking his heart is breaking mine."

"Aish, kid! Minho, Lix and Seungmin  helped with the checkups stuff. Don't you worry about that."

"I didn't know that..."

"And, you are twenty, I don't think he cares about it yet. You two should talk. We look after eachother. Really. Did you talk to him?" He draw circles in her back with his fingers. She shook her head, not letting go. "You won't like what I'll say, but you have to talk with him. It's obvious you love him."

There was a knock at the door and without waiting for a response, it opened. He smiled.

"Found you."

-

Fear of commitment is a thing, as fear of losing someone dear is a thing. A scary thing.

She had both.

-

"What are you doing here?" Allyson looked up at Lee Know. She couldn't look at Changbin. Not when the words she had planed to say were so devastating.

"You. You need to stop pushing people away, kid."

If I don't put distance, it'll hurt you.

"Maybe it will. But you don't know it. And maybe we also want the pain. If it comes in Allyson's pack, I'll take it... How could you know: If. You. Don't. Ask?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"You let me listen all that for a reason. You want my help, our help." He pointed to Chan and him. "And you will get it, want it or not."

Talking about rough love...

"You have no idea, kid. I won't lie, we do love you. Now solve it." He pushed Changbin inside the room. "Now, you, pick your girlfriend, take her to somewhere nice and talk. Everyone can tell how you feel for eachother, now say it outloud, you idiots."

-

The coffee shop was nice. It was quite empty, and nobody looked at them. Maybe the people in the shop just didn't care if an idol came with a girl there. Or maybe they hadn't realized. The pollution was quite rough that week. He had a black cap and a face mask, just like her.

She lowered her mask to blow the hot coffee and looked at his eyes. He could tell how she felt.

"I am a coward and I did try to run away. I don't think I'm enough for you, in any way." Her eyes held tears waiting to fall, she looked at the coffee and took a sip, scolding her tongue. She couldn't meet his eyes.

"What are you saying? You're no coward. You're afraid and that's okay." He sighed. "I'm sorry if I went too fast to tell the boss and... I just didn't want you to think I would hide you. All that sneaking around some people have to go through is not for me. I want to make you happy. "

He reached a hand over the table to touch her hands over the cup.

"You are more than I ever imagined. I love the boldness you have and how you don't filter what you say. And I love how you took care of us, barely even knowing what you got into."

She looked at his eyes and she was calm again. He gave her peace.

"I'm not fine. I don't think I'll ever be. I tried to end my life many times, Bin. But I don't know if it'll ever catch me. If all the damage I made myself would eventually off me. Or if I find a new way to do it. I don't want you to be with someone that can hurt you... I think you see me as the girl you can't hurt. And I don't want you to see me that way. Because I hurt myself all the time."

"Allyson... You are more than that. I'll stay by your side. I'll try as hard as I can to make you happy, so you want to stay too. Please try."

"I'm trying to let you go, so I don't hurt you. I'm not trying to live. I want you to be happy. You can't tell me I didn't try."

"I want you to be happy... truly. And I won't lie to you. Not now, not ever. Just try to do the same for me and try to stay with me. I need you here." He got a little loud, but it was just the way he was. He was cute and loud and he loved dark. And he loved her. And he loved him. Maybe they needed to say it.

She smiled and took a sip of her coffee, and he could feel her happiness.

"Your drink is getting cold." She suddenly said. He hadn't even touched the cup.

"Will you? Stay with me? Properly date me?"

"I don't think I could leave now. You're mad enough to put up with me, then so be it. Don't say I didn't warn you."

-

[A/N: That's it. The end. Roll the credits and black screen.

I'm not into stories that go beyond the 'everything is fine' part or I just stop reading when I see the plot is done. Though they probably will get into more trouble in the future.

As I said before, I wrote this for my own enjoyment, but maybe I can write a second part. I dont know yet. There are a lot of characters that definitely need more spotlight... but I don't know. I expected that, but it's a bit disappointing that this didn't have a big audience 😕

If I have another fever dream, I'll write it down.

Peace and prosperity. ]