Never Without You │ BOTW modern AU fanfic

Broken

"No!" I gasp ashamed. "I invited you because I wanted to spend time with you without having to worry about reporters stalking us! That's it!"

"Okay, I'm sorry. I kinda misread the whole thing. But only because I felt like we already did this sorta thing."

"Why would you think that? I thought you remembered our past!"

"I do! No listen, I promise, I do remember! I don't know why I thought that. I just kinda... knew this was normal for us? Or at least I thought I knew. I don't know! I can't really explain it. I kinda remembered something. Like at the lodge and... and... when you offered to shower with me, it seemed like... um... Shit, I really thought we've done this before but now that I think about it, I don't actually have any memory of it..."

I don't know whether to believe him or not. I don't think Link would lie about something this serious. If it's true what he's saying, then his head trauma may take partial blame. Nevertheless... "I said wait. When I say wait, or stop, or when I'm clearly in pain, don't just keep going!" I say in an assertive tone.

"I had no idea you were in pain, I'm sorry! I would never purposefully hurt you, please believe me. I really thought everything was fine..."

"I won't allow someone to do things to my body that I'm not comfortable with." Not again! And I hate that the first person I have the guts to stand up to is Link...But right now, being near him terrifies me. I can't be with someone I'm scared of... "If you ever neglect my dissent again, we're done."

"Okay," he nods with creased brows. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I swear, I thought we... Never mind... I messed up again! I'm really sorry..."

I wasn't opposed to his touch. But the moment he put his lips on my neck I felt glass cutting through my skin. My throat tightened and my stomach flipped. I think I was suffering a panic attack right under him...

If only he had remembered not to touch my neck... The fact that he didn't stop when I asked him to scares me to death. Maybe he really didn't hear the panic in my voice. Maybe calling out his name while he kissed me gave him the wrong impression. That's on me... I really should have said stop...

His head drops into his hands. "I'm so fucked up."

I feel horrible. I didn't want him to blame himself. I just needed him to understand what was going through my mind just now... I scoot closer and place my hand on his back.

"It's not your fault..." I tell him. "I'm sorry for yelling."

"You had every right to yell..."

"I almost didn't say anything at all... I was scared..."

"Of me?" He asks alarmed.

"Guys can get aggressive when they get rejected..."

"I would never hit you! I promise... I'll never do that to you..."

"I know... I... I trust you."

Link shakes his head with a look of disgust aimed at himself. "I remember at the lodge... I made you promise to instantly tell me if I ever made you uncomfortable. I'm glad you said something before I..." he stops himself and clenches his jaw. "Shit, I never wanted to hurt you..."

"I know you didn't mean to. It's okay." If I had never met Karusa, maybe none of this would have bothered me...

"Zelda, I never want to hurt you again."

"That's impossible. I'll get hurt again, but that's okay... I'll always forgive you. Because I'll hurt you too... and you'll forgive me too. We are in a relationship, and as much as I wished it could be, no relationship is ever as perfect as those found in books. But if a healthy relationship is based on the ability to compromise and forgive, and to communicate and care for each other, then I think we've got a good chance."

I hug Link's stiff body. His head remains in his hands until, a few moments later, he finally hugs me back. He says he's messed up but I believe it's the other way around... Everyone else likes to be kissed on the neck... Something is wrong with me... I don't want to panic every time Link puts his hands on me. I don't want to stay quiet out of fear... I just want to make him happy and make our relationship work...

Link backs away slowly, not making eye contact. "I'm gonna go."

What?... "You don't have to leave. Please stay."

"I just feel like shit right now..."

"So let me make you feel better," I bid.

When he gets up, my eyes fill with tears. What have I done? I don't want him to go...

"Please don't leave," I beg. "We can still have a good night..." I jump off the bed and grab his arm but he jerks away. I felt that in my heart... "I don't know what to do," I try to hide the panic behind my eyes but even I can hear the quiver in my voice. "What can I say to make you stay? Why do you want to leave?"

"Because I feel like an asshole, Zelda!"

"And your solution is to just leave? I used to do that. I'd leave when I didn't know how to handle a situation. I'd run from all my problems and hope they would fix themselves somehow. But that rarely works."

"It's not the same! I hurt you!"

"Unintentionally! And I forgave you! But if you walk out of these doors right now you'll hurt me far worse. And this time it'll be intentional..." Link sighs and turns his body toward me. "Let's talk about it. Or not. We can just sit here until you're okay enough to look at me." His eyes meet mine briefly. "Just don't leave..."

I wait a couple of seconds to see if he would like to say something in return. But he doesn't... And I don't know what else I can do. What's going on in his head that he can't say to me?

"What are you thinking about?"

He shakes his head and claws his hair. "Everything's so fucked up..."

"Everything?" Is he referring to our relationship?

"My mind is not right... I have really vivid dreams lately and wake up thinking they're real memories. So much stuff has just not been right lately! When I woke up from the coma without any memories, people kept telling me 'this is your favorite food', 'your favorite color', 'your favorite song' and now I don't know if I actually like those things or if I just accepted that I'm supposed to like them. And my body just..... Fuck, I hate it! I hate it so much! I have numb spots on my back and my leg... There's just no feeling... And I know it doesn't really make a difference if I have numb spots but it's just another thing that's broken about me! I hate complaining because I know how much worse it could have been but I was supposed to take my team to the nationals! Everyone counted on me! I look around and see all these people running and jumping around like it's nothing–it's not fair! I'm supposed to be an athlete but I have to literally learn how to walk again!"

He's out of breath by the time he's done. He swallows and lowers his eyes in embarrassment.

"You've been doing really well though..." I try to cheer him up. "Look at how far you've made it in only a couple of weeks. You recovered almost all your memories and are able to walk after being in a coma and undergoing major surgeries. You'll make it through and get back to where you were."

"Get back to where I was? I used to run twenty miles without breaking a sweat, now I walk twenty feet and want to break down from exhaustion! Look at me, do you really think I'll be that strong ever again? Do you really think I will ever wear a jersey again? Every single day of my life I sacrificed everything I had to get to where I was... Now I don't even know if I'll ever be able to run again!"

"Link–"

"And I don't even know why I'm telling you any of this! I don't really care about running right now! I hurt you! I hurt you because I'm broken, and I don't want that to happen again! So just let me go home until my fucked up brain is fixed..."

I gently shake my head and take a small step toward him. "You don't have to go through this alone. If you are afraid of hurting me, please stay and talk to me. I can tell you what will hurt me and what won't. And why."

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(Hey guys!!!! :) Thank you so much for 10K reads already!! I quickly wanted to address Muzu and Mipha because some of you were worried something had happened to her. Mipha is not dead. I only included Muzu for comedic purposes, to reference the game, and to show that not everybody is supportive of Link. Hope you're enjoying the book so far! Love you all so much! xoxo)