Late Night Thoughts

Do you ever just regret things?

     You know, I used to have an old account before deleting it. My old account was hideous despite its good intentions, so I tend to despise it. The only thing I don't despise is seeing all the wonderful people here.
       Of course these people live their own life but they still offered so much support despite that. It was amazing to go back to and see because I really did give it all up due to fear.

I'm not a social person and I typically hate being social. I wanted to be with these random strangers but I couldn't deal with the fact that they were strangers and I never could get close to them.
I was anxious seeing them close to other people because I wasn't close like that with anyone on here. I don't think support should be a competition ran by jealously, though. Humans are so naturally jealous and it's a way of life but it shouldn't run it.

You can't simply get rid of jealously and it could spark at any moment. It's a human emotion, it's what helps identify us as human beings capable of such variety in our feelings. I just let that natural feeling envelop me to an unnatural point.
I had all the support I needed but I still didn't like it because I couldn't focus on the support and instead the lives of the people giving it. In the sense that I never wanted to focus on my life because I wanted them to focus on it with me.

Looking back, I despise the way I thought. But I can't hate myself for being like that. At some point, everyone will get consumed by their feelings. It's a matter of growing a different view from it and then growing as a person.
I still don't like social situations but this app is just an app. The people I meet here are wonderful but they're different people who don't even know me.

I'm content living with the comfortability of that anonymity but I will always regret the actions of finally feeling comfortable with it. The only action I regret is getting rid of that old account because I lost so much of that support I can't just build back up like I used to.
      I especially lost one person I miss dearly. I have many things to say to them but I no longer have the ability to do so.

Regret is just as much of a natural emotion as jealously and many people regret many things. Mostly regretting the things you did to yourself and other people. You can't simply go back to the past to undo it nor can you justify your actions without confronting the depth of them.
Accepting your actions are more preferably the way to go. You can hate them all you want but not accepting that it happened won't lead you to any better paths.

I regret it, but I know it's not something I can get back. I can't get that person back, either. I only wish them well and try not to dwell on the regret. I accept it, I accept that what happened did happen but there's no point in making myself miserable over mistakes.
You can't undo them but that doesn't mean you should be miserable because of them. I try to make up for my mistake by offering support to others so maybe they can one day go back and read it once they're ready. There's no comfort in hatred and I don't aspire to go down that road.

     Anyway, this was literally written at like 3 am because I was reminiscing about the old support I got. It really is a miracle people liked me when I was so whiny back then. I guess I still am now but hopefully I'm less annoying.
      I guess the final message is to try and not hate yourself for one mistake. Jealously is natural and it doesn't define your life. You can still be happy as long as you accept that you deserve it. Everyone deserves to be happy after all!