ʟᴏꜱᴛ ʟᴏᴠᴇ

58

I couldn't exactly ask him why he didn't ask because well.. he did. And that makes me an even worse person.

"I thought that maybe after that night it was over, he's wasn't my son, I didn't have a son. You're a fucking a liar!" He pointed at me. My body shook at his words.

"You don't know what it was like for me." I mumbled, looking up at him in tears.

"Fuck you! My god damn son doesn't even know he has a father! Don't pull that-that shit!"

"I'm sorry."

In that moment I wished I had told him, the regret pained me, it was a lie if I had said it hadn't been paining me since the day I gave birth.

"What!? You were just gonna let me stay here, knowing damn well you were hiding your son from his father!?" He yelled, I almost feared Amara and Rylan hearing us next door, Rylan can't hear this.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." I stayed sitting, unmoving almost.

It was like he had so many things to say but they just couldn't come out, the words crammed in his throat.

"I knew it, right from the beginning. You're a fucking liar."

"Stop calling me that, please." I begged softly.

I could see the anger on his face, he stormed up to me and stood in front of the table, facing me.

"Well that's what you are, are you not!? Fucking enlighten me!? What.. fucked up Person lies like that, and straight to my face!? You lied to me right to my god damn face!" He yelled, I could feel his voice hitting my heart, it ached so badly because, I knew it was true, everything he was saying was exactly what I had done to him.

"What was I supposed to do?" I finally asked a bit louder than last time.

He looked at me like what was coming from my mouth was just some sick joke. I stood up, our chests inches away.

"You we're going off to Brown, you were making a name for yourself! You wouldn't have done that with a kid on your hip! It was your dream!?"

"I'm his father! I had the right to know!" He screamed.

"I needed to see you succeed, Khyson!"

"That's not the point! I went five years not knowing I had a son! My son went four years knowing he had no father!"

"I was across the country, a broke, pregnant eighteen year old deciding wether to let the father of her baby per-sue his dreams or not! Look what you have! Look what you built!"

"I would take back everything just to have him! To see the look when you found out! To get up and make food for your cravings at three in the morning! To rush you to the hospital when your water broke! To see my son being born and hold him in that god damn delivery room! You robbed me, Ariya! I could've been there!"

"I'm sorry." I shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

"How can a mother do that to her child?" He seethed, taking a disgusted step back from me. I brought my hands up to my arms, rubbing them up and down.

"I hurt too, you know. I went through that pregnancy alone, I delivered alone, wheeling myself out of the hospital. I slept with Rylan in a one bedroom apartment when he was just a baby. But I still went to school, I still did something! I fucking ached too!" I yelled, poking at his hard chest.

"And who's fault is that?"

I silenced myself at his words. He was right, all of his words and comments were all right. I brought this upon myself.

"I'm not going to apologize for caring about your future."

"If you told me we could've battled it together, we could've went through it together! God, Ariya!" He laughed.

I stood there in shame, chocking on my own tears.

"Out of all people you'd think you'd get it, you know what it's like growing up without a father.. why do that to your own son."

I couldn't seem to take it after that, I couldn't feel my limbs, I couldn't feel anything. He was right, this whole time I've been this selfish and I hadn't even realized. I hugged my arms and looked down.

"I need some time."

He was leaving.

"What?" I glanced up.

"I need some time." He bolted over to the door and began to slip is shoes on. I followed after him with a jump in my step.

"Wait, Khyson." I spoke, tucking my hair behind my ear with a shaky hand.

"Bye, Ariya." He mumbled before I heard the door slam shut. His voice laced with annoyance and anger.

He hated me.

I hated myself.

I pressed my palm against the door and collapsed against the floor. Tucking my knees to my chest and sobbing into my skin.

That was when I began to realize that I caused this, I caused him this pain, I caused Rylan this pain, I caused myself this pain, im a selfish bitch who can't make the right decisions.

And I had just lost our love.

Again.