- Billdip Oneshots -

Margarita Bill

Bill slouched on the couch, mumbling things that were heavily slurred. "Dipper hiccup Pine Trees...why doesn't he have pines on hiccup him?"

Dipper came into the living room with a bag of Doritos. "Hey, Bill," he greeted and sat near him. He popped open the bag and ate one.

Bill looked at him with a dazed gaze with a wobbly stance. "Bring it hiccup on! If you're going to eat myself than cough bring your fist up!"

Dipper looked at him with a terrified expression. He tossed the bag into the aquarium, then stood up and was pushed down onto the couch. "Bill! What the hell!"

The demon gazed at him with a lustful eye, caressing his cheek. "Boy hiccup I thought you'd be rough like tree bark!"

Dipper slapped his hand away and kicked him off, rolling down onto the floor. "Bill, you're drunk! How many margaritas have you drank??"

Bill stood up carefully and wobbled on his feet, crashing against the wall. He put of 5 fingers and grunted a little. "I drANk hiccup eight!"

"HOLY shit Bill!" Dipper gasped and sat up, watching Bill head towards the window. The dream demon spread away the blinds and punched the window, leaping through.

"BILL! THAT WINDOW WAS FUCKING EXPENSIVE," the boy yelled and ran after the drunk man. He found Bill wrapping his arms around a huge pine tree near a calm stream.

"Hey hiccup baby! You're looking handsome today!" Bill clicked his tongue at the tree and kissed the bark.

Dipper whacked himself on the face with a face palm and grumbled grouchily. "When will he ever learn NOT to drink alcohol??"