The Flying Dreams

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

I stared at the screen, rereading Shifa's text for the fifth time, asking me to wait for her around the station. She hadn't really talked to me in the last two weeks— except when she made tea, or when I made tea— after Wahab left and often spent her time inside her room doing who knows what or outside somewhere. I never asked where. Her sudden detachment rendered me unable to initiate a conversation. In a way, it was a good thing for my heart. I needed all the space I could from her, especially as the day of my wedding neared. The calls from my mother were getting frequent, she called at least twice a day and Zoya, too, though for stupid reasons such as which colour would go best with her skin tone. Or which earnings would flatter her face shape.

But Shifa had taken up the silence. Until now, obviously.

"Why are you glaring at your phone?"

A little surprised by the voice, I locked the screen and turned to look at Divya. On her right sat Vivek and he, too, was waiting for my reply, if his pursed lips and squinted eyes were to say anything. I shrugged, bearing as much nonchalance as I could manage on my face after reading Shifa's name on my phone screen.

"Nothing. It's just Shifa."

"Your fiancé's cousin?"

The words stung a bit, as all the true statements do, but I nodded and went back to my book. The words, a blur in front of my eyes. I came up with a dozen reasons as to why she would want me to wait for her. It was already past 4 and usually, Shifa came home around 5 pm. Did she not attend college? Or maybe she was nearby and wanted to go home together. Although, I doubted that I was her first choice for a company.

The last time we talked was the morning after Wahab left and she asked me if I needed to visit the tailor for the blouse fitting and I had said yes without meeting her eyes. Throughout the way, we barely exchanged 6 words and those too pertained to my upcoming wedding. Ever since I showed her my lehnga, that was all she talked to me about. My wedding. And Wahab. Obviously, I wasn't much inclined to spend my time with her.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and craned my neck to face Divya, who smiled at me and nodded toward the exit gate, "Let's go outside?"

Not like I was getting any reading done, I quickly shut my book and stood up, slinging my bag over my shoulder and adjusted my hijab. She hooked her elbow with mine and led us out through the gates, we passed the general ward and I had to refrain myself from sniffing the heavy scent of Phenyl— saying nothing until we reached the front yard of the campus. The sun was setting down the horizon and the misty orange rays scattered on the grass ground, a few students lingered around and the loud voices, intermingling with each other's echoed in my ears. I wondered if their moments of laughing were constant or were they just stolen bits of life.

"You don't really text with Wahab, right?"

One boy from our class was leaning against the tree with a small book in his hands and I thought about going back inside and reading through one more chapter, but Divya kept walking, purposely leading me to the farthest corner of the ground.

"No. Once or twice a week, perhaps," I tilted my head and glanced at her swiftly before adding, "Why?"

She hummed, low and thoughtful and I wondered if I had given something away. For a few more minutes we walked, or she walked while I just paddled along with her. The rears in my mind turned and came to a halt at her next words.

"So... when you smile and make those silly faces—it's Shifa, isn't it?"

I stopped and she seemed to expect it as her steps halted in perfect harmony with mine. Divya was an inch shorter than me, but her shoes had at least two inches heels, I stared at her, my eyes narrowed and hoped that the fake anger I tried to show hid the panic I felt. She didn't seem too afraid or sorry when she shook her head and looked around over my shoulder as if making sure no one remained in the vicinity of hearing our conversation.

"Adia. I," she inhaled and inched a step closer, "I am your friend. You need to understand that."

Now, I was confused. Of course, she was my friend, what was there to understand. Unless—unless she just tolerated me because of Rohan. The boy had declared us friends on the very first day we met. Then, I might be able to understand her point. All the girls I surrounded myself with in the school and then in college were usually mutuals of my cousins and I never worried if they sat with me because they wanted to or because of my cousins. Sad as it might sound—I never had friends. That was my first. Thanks to the overexcited, overfriendly, overnice Rohan. I parted my lips to express my puzzlement, but she lifted her hand to stop me, and I immediately shut my mouth.

"You tend to self-isolate from us and that's fine. Really, I get it and so does Rohan and Vivek. We respect your boundaries but," she nodded at my phone, "There is clearly something bothering you and I am tired of watching you frown all day long."

I watched as one of her hands reached out and grasped mine, light and assuring and for no reason, my eyes glistened and in a vain effort, I tried to hold the emerging sob in my throat but as the strong fragrance of rose perfume nearly blinded me, did I realize the tears had already flowed down my cheek. I never considered myself the crying-in-the-public type but I— very embarrassingly— just proved myself wrong. Divya's hand cupped the back of my head and patted my hair a few times, murmuring in my ears the useless words of comfort. At last, after a minute, I untangled my arms from her shoulders and sniffed. Weeping in front of her was not on my to-do list of the day but what surprised me was how unashamed I felt. A little embarrassed, yes, but not enough to wish that the earth should swallow me whole.

"Now, tell me what is up with this Shifa and you."

In normal circumstances, I would have run or yelled at her for even thinking of asking me this. Or, probably both but instead, I took the offered white cotton hanky from her hand, wiped my nose and cheeks, and told her everything. I made sure not to leave a single thing out, guaranteed my voice broke more than my dignity allowed me to admit but Divya proved to be a patient listener and in the middle of my ranting, I realized how badly, how desperately and how ardently I needed to talk about Shifa. To someone other than my own reflection in the mirror. Someone who would listen and not make an assumption about my whole character.

And then, I stopped. My breath-- quick and shallow as a scared rat. Despite my fear of seeing the disgust in her eyes, I looked up and found her gazing at something over my head. I waited for the words to come out of her mouth and when they did, I felt my heart coming at rest.

"You like her a lot, don't you?"

I touched the grass with the tips of my fingers and shook my head, "Does it matter? It is basically a sin. I am committing a sin."

The sun had completely hidden behind the large trees, leaving in the sky only a faint tint of red and only the students in practice walked around in their white coats. I was waiting for Shifa's call to get out of the campus grounds.

"A sin? Adia, hear yourself talk. You are studying medicine and call love a sin?"

"It is, Divya. In Islam, it is. What does my study have to do with this? Nothing."

She sighed and a second of silence passed. Then I heard her voice again, "Those scriptures are centuries old; things change. Love is never a sin. Never."

"I am engaged to her cousin."

She squeezed her eyes shut in exasperation and threw her head back, "Who cares? Dump him!"

I didn't have to answer her as my phone saved me from the disaster. Picking up my phone in a heartbeat, my lips quirked up in a smile upon hearing Shifa's voice.

"I am outside."

"Alright. Just 5 minutes."

I ignored Divya's laugh and wore my shoes in a hurry. Talking helped, it appeared as my steps were lighter and instead of nervousness at Shifa's sudden request, I looked forward to spending my time with her. Even if all she had in mind was my wedding.

"This topic is not over, lover girl."

"Don't call me that," with newfound courage, I leaned in and hugged Divya briefly, "Bye and goodnight."