Andante con Brio

CLXXII

Oh God. 
I mean, he could have expected that question at some point in the night, but somehow it punched him in the gut anyway. 
Just walk her to it. She loves you, she'll come around. 
He remembered all of John's soft, calm words in his lovely garden in Perth. He remembered how he had teared up, and how John had put him at ease. And yet, to this day his mum still knew nothing. 
John could clearly read his face just fine as well, because he touched his shoulder lightly and smiled. 
"Don't worry about it, Eddy. You don't have to talk about it."
"It's not that. It's just... I've never found a way. No, she doesn't know, and I have no idea if it would destroy her, us, if she did. My sister does, though, she... well, she overheard us one time."
John nodded thoughtfully as he turned off the pan. The rice did look very nice and it smelled delicious. 
"And how is she?"
Eddy smiled once. 
"She's supportive. She lives in Sydney, but she texts and stuff. She was hella mad that I had never told her. But she understands, she knows our background."
John started scooping the rice into a beautiful china pot. 
"I'm glad."
Eddy's eyes shot to the table, where the discussion was still going on. There was something about the redness of Brett's ears, though, that made him wonder if he was hearing every word. 
"Well, if you ever need any help, I'm there." John said, quite definitively. "You know I've been where you are."
Eddy nodded. "Is that... is that why you invited us?"
Suddenly John let out a great belly laugh. 
"Maybe a little bit, but really I just think you're nice guys. And it's good for us ancient folk to hang with the future every once in a while. Keeps us young."
Mark had looked up and he was laughing too.
"Don't let him kid you. He's even older than he looks."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." John said as he carried the pot to the table. "Something about the pot calling the kettle black, Mark."
"Pot looks nice and white and blue to me, though."
John shoved him and sat down beside him. 
"Now, Eddy, I'd been promised some wine. And Mark, you were going on about Chagall as usual?"

Okay, so it may not have been the cathartic experience it had been last time around, but still, Eddy was having a great night. John and Mark were funny, and engaging. And even the rice tasted good. So was the wine, and after the second glass he could feel himself loosening up and laughing with the others. 
God, only now that he was relaxing he could feel how worried he had been recently. Worried about his mum. About Ian, about Lily, about Todd. He took a deep breath, which turned into a deep sigh. Then he got up from the table in one movement and took his third glass of wine over to the open doors, which led out to a balcony. 
"Wow, the view is beautiful here." he said, throwing the words behind him to the table. 
"It is. We usually stay here when we're in town." 
John was joining him on the balcony. It was long since dark now, and there was just a little sliver of a moon, high above them. Eddy looked up at it, and the long line of stars that seemed to spread out from it. 
"What's on your mind?" he asked. 
Was it the wine? Or the company? Usually he would say oh, nothing. I'm good. He knew that. But this was John, right? 
"I worry." he said honestly. "About my friends, about my mum. People... they tell me things. I keep them safe. It's... it's a lot, sometimes."
John was quiet for a moment, then he took a long sip of wine. 
"Hmmm. Well. All I can say is... Eddy, you need to take care of you, as well. Do you know how, in airplanes, they always tell parents to put their own oxygen masks on first? Well, it's like that. How can you take care of someone else, if you're not okay?"
Eddy looked out at the moon and tried to think of something to respond. Did he not take care of himself? He was fine, right? 
"Just bear it in mind." John said calmly. "Anyway: I wanted to say I have an idea. You remember the youth orchestra, right? From Perth? Well, we're going to go on a tour in the upcoming school holiday, to Taiwan, play Brahms four. I was thinking maybe I could use a quartet as well."
Eddy froze to the railing as the earth fell down around him and built itself up again. And he must have gaped, because John chuckled lightly. 
"Is that a 'that sounds great, John?'"
Eddy shook his head to pull himself together. 
"That sounds great, John!"