Andante con Brio

XCVI

To be honest, Eddy didn't know quite how to feel as he walked home slowly, the violin case on his back bouncing slightly from left to right with every step. 
Exhilarated, with how last night had gone? Sad, because of how abruptly it had all ended? I mean, they had made the most of the morning and early afternoon, practising a bit more in Brett's room, playing some more video games, but really all he had wanted to do was to finish what they had started, started when they thought they had an hour and a half of alone time left. And it clearly showed in Brett's beautiful koala eyes too. He wanted exactly the same; he wanted the one thing they couldn't have. It sucked to be back in. 
And then there had been the phone call by Todd, telling them they were viewing the house on Monday. 
Another round of that. Another time he had to tell his mum they were going to see a house, another time for her face to fall just ever so slightly behind her so carefully crafted mask. 
As if a mask would work on him. 
He sighed as he walked into his street. His house was already there, up ahead, the bedroom window he stared out of so often just there, with the grey drape half closed against the sun. 
How long would he be staring out of that window still? 

"Hey mum." he said as he dragged himself into the house and kicked off his sneakers. He could see her through the doorway to the living room, turning around from where she had been dusting the window sill with a bright yellow cloth. 
"Hello Eddy." she said pleasantly in Mandarin. "Did you have a good night?"
"Yes, we practised a lot. I played the whole Prokofiev. And we watched a movie as well."
"Good. We're having kung pao chicken tonight. Yesterday's dinner can be tomorrow's lunch."
"Really? Awesome, mum, thanks. You won't believe it, but Brett's mum had made us sweet and sour sauce too."
She nodded almost imperceptibly and turned back around to carry on dusting. 
Oh, how easy it would be now to walk away, to go upstairs and unpack the violin, to quickly write in the chords for Theo's theory lesson and be done with it all. 
But that would be the chicken thing to do, right? 
"Er, mum?"
She turned around again. 
"Tomorrow after orchestra rehearsal we're seeing another house. I... I don't know. It probably won't happen again, but I wanted to say anyway."
Another almost imperceptible nod. 
"Okay."

God, he felt like such a dickhead, walking up the stairs. There was no winning, here, just no winning. Anything he decided to do with the house would wind up disappointing someone. 
And he knew exactly who he was going to disappoint in the end. 
He closed his door behind him, sat down on his bed and buried his face in his arms. 
God, why did everything have to be so fucking complicated? 

After a minute he shrugged and got up. His face in the mirror with the crack looked different, somehow, more grown. More haggard, too. He grimaced at himself.
That would be all the sleep he had gotten. 
He walked over to the window and breathed deeply. 
Look. No use wallowing, right? Last night had quite simply been one of the best nights of his life. He should try to hang onto that, right? He should try and think about that, and not about houses, or broken clocks and parents coming home too soon. 
He nodded at nothing in particular and turned around to get his violin back out of its case.