Gods & Angels | Sinners of Saint Benedicts duet 1 (dark/bully romance)

Chapter Eighteen

"I can't care, Floss. Same as I can't care when Apollo fucks around."

She nodded like she thought we were getting somewhere. "Okay. Pretend you can care. Do you?"

"Kind of..." I said slowly.

"Valen or Apollo."

"Valen. Both. Neither. I don't know!"

"Do you want to be told if and or when one - or both - of them have been fucking around?"

I shrugged. "I don't want it to be a secret, but I don't need details... Okay, no. I don't think I do."

"All right, so do you feel like Valen should know?"

"Maybe...?"

"Why?"

"I don't feel like I owe him anything, if that's what you're wondering."

"Wasn't. Interesting you thought I might be, though."

"It just..." I sighed. "I don't know what it means. With Apollo."

"Have you talked about it?"

"No."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I wasn't against it happening again. I was pretty sure I wanted it to happen again, but I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to suddenly be in this monogamous relationship with new rules and expectations. I was ready for him to pleasure me, but I wasn't ready us to be more.

"No!"

Florence's eyes widened at the vehemence in my voice, but she just nodded. "Okay. Then don't. You don't owe either of those boys anything, babe. You clearly think you can't tell Apollo about Valen-"

"Because I can't!"

"And what's telling Valen about Apollo going to do except make him deny even harder that he doesn't want you?"

"I don't know. What about honesty?"

"Do I need to point out how little sense that makes?"

She was right. It made no sense on any front. I didn't owe either boy anything. I couldn't - wouldn't - be honest with Apollo, and being honest with Valen was only going to push him further away. I didn't want that.

I sighed. "No. Besides," I said as the thought hit me, "Apollo's probably bragged all about me with the Angels by now. Valen will know all about it."

"What do you think he's going to do?"

I dragged my hand over my face. "I don't know. He says things like 'the only guy you'll do is me', and then kisses me like it's goodbye. Does he think I'm just going to be a nun now? Of course not, because he knows I'll be with Apollo sooner or later, although it seems like maybe sooner now. Ugh, I don't know what he wants or what he'll do."

"Hang on," Florence said. "I've missed something very important here. Go back to the kiss. When did he say that?"

I told her all about the night before. I told her about me and Apollo at the club on Friday night, about him storming out, about Valen and me in the garage. She didn't interrupt, only exclaimed in excitement now and then like a good listener was wont to do. When I'd finished she huffed out a breath.

"And then, Apollo dragged you into a storeroom and finger fucked you?" she clarified.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Well."

"Yeah."

"I guess he could only deny himself for so long."