ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ-ᴜᴘ! (Finished)

⏁⊑⟟⌇ ⋏⏃⋔⟒ ⋔⏃☍⟒⌇ ⋏⍜ ⌇⟒⋏⌇⟒ ⏚⎍⏁ ⟟ ⌰⟟☍⟒ ⟟⏁

I have way to much fun trying to find the photos for up top. I have like ten waiting in my files for future chapters. I'm not even sure if I'm doing another 10 chapters, maybe just 5 or so.

TW (filled with somewhat bad things and just stupid warnings because you should be warned) : self harm, body dysphoria, Ranboo finally being hit with the sadness and no more numb (but then I make him happy again because I don't know how to write loosing a loved one), mention of a bitch grandma, a Canadian (me) trying to figure out british/american slang, a short person (still me) trying to figure out tall people problems. 

ALSO! Aimsey, Crumb and possibly others are becoming actual characters in this book and will be included soon!

The ride back to the house was silent, and I held the things of my parents close to me. Techno was driving this time, as Phil seemed to still be in shock. I could see him and Dream watching me, obviously seeing things about me that are more feminine, like the curves of my body or how my face just looked more feminine then others. 

But with all of their staring, it scared me. What if I did something wrong and the bandages under my sleeves show? What would they think of me then? Would they just see me as a attention seeking selfish brat? 

As soon as the car got back to the house, I pretty much ran to my room, locking the door behind me. I hated their stares. I couldn't do this anymore. Should I come even come out to everyone else now? I mean, all that would happen would be them watching me closely to find proof that I was a girl before. 

I fall onto my bed, dropping the bag onto the floor next to me. I breathe in, trying to stop all of these thoughts, only to have a stabbing pain go through my chest as my binder restricts my breathing. 

I know I should take it off, I really do, but I can't. I was already having enough trouble with coming out to the others, and having a bigger chest would just hurt me more then it already was. 

I slide off my bed, landing on my butt next to the bag. The bag. 

I have to go through it. 

Picking up the bag with gentle hands, I slowly poor everything on the bed. Most things had been ruined in the car crash, and this was everything that survived that belonged to my parents and not my friends. 

There wasn't much, but it still covered majority of the bed. 

Their phones, both dead. One of my dad's hoodie, slightly big on me as he was very tall. Two birthday presents, neatly wrapped but somewhat ripped, with a card taped to the bigger one. A copy of the first Harry Potter, most likely what my mom used to entertain herself on the flight. A pack of new cigarettes and a new lighter, most likely my dad's. I guess he was lying when he said he quit. 

I pick up a locket from the pile. It was old and the silver had rusted, but I opened it, revealing the little photo inside. This was my Mom's locket. She had gotten it after I was born and then when I turned two, we took the photo that was put in the middle. 

It was a cute photo, with my mom and dad laughing as toddler me tried to escape from my dad's grasp. They looked so carefree, and not much different from when I had seen them last. 

My vision blurred as tears began to fall. I would never be able to see them again.

Everything that I had been trying to avoid seemed to hit me all at once. 

I couldn't breathe as I fell to my knees, covering my mouth to muffle the loud sobs. I felt like I was dying, but still felt way too alive as I struggled to breathe through the sobbing. 

I pulled my hands away from my mouth and began scratching my arms, scratching over the somewhat healed cuts from this morning. I wanted pain, I didn't deserve happiness, I made so many people concerned for me and I'm the reason my parents are dead. 

It's all my fault

It's all my fault

It's all my fault. 

A loud sob escaped my lips. I felt like screaming. I wanted everything to stop. I wanted this to end. I wanted to die. 

I heard someone knock on my door, but it sounded muffled and distant. I wanted to yell for them, yell for help, but I couldn't. I didn't want to force my problems on anyone else.

But they kept knocking and knocking and knocking and I covered my mouth with both my hands, fully muffling the cries. 

Then the knocking stopped. 

Breathing in deeply, I stood up, almost immediately falling on my jello legs. I had lost my glasses somewhere, and on top of the tears, I could barely see a few feet in front of me. 

I slowly put the things back into the bag, keeping my mouth covered to keep the sobs muffled. I then pushed the bag under the bed, hiding it. I wanted to keep it out, to have my parent's things with me, with the memories that come from them. 

But they had keys for the locks on the doors. . 

I fell back to the ground, my jello legs no longer being able to hold myself up. I pull my sleeves over my hands, holding tight to them. I didn't want them to see the blood or the cuts. I deserved this pain and I didn't want them to stop it. 

There was a distant click and I flinched as the door of my room slammed open, bringing back old memories I wish I could forget.

The person didn't enter the room. They just saw me crying and left the room, somewhat closing the door behind them.

That was fair. I didn't expect them to care about me. They shouldn't. Why would they?

I forced myself off the ground and onto shaky legs. I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked around, finding my glasses on the bed. I didn't put them on, just moved them to the nightstand before sitting down on the bed, continuously wiping my eyes from the tears that just kept coming. 

I flinched as someone sat down next to me. They didn't touch me or speak to me, instead they just watched as I tried to stop crying. 

I accepted that. I didn't deserve love or kindness. They just hang out with me to seem like a good person. They just use me for the view and the likes and whatever else. I was just brought here to be added to titles in vlogs and to get more people to watch their things and -

A sleeve interrupted my thoughts as I felt the person next to me wipe some of the tears that I had missed, before cupping my cheek with their hand. 

"It's ok Ranboo. I'm here" Tubbo's voice rang out, clearer then all the other noises.

I leaned into his hand as the remaining tears left my eyes. He didn't pull away, he didn't leave nor did he get mad at me. He just pulled himself closer and then wrapped his arms around me, holding me as I fell apart again.