Aliens on Aventine Hill

Upon Aventine Hill [Part 6]

CW: discussion of suicidal thoughts

Gray limped downstairs, eyes fixed on his uneven feet. It was just a bathroom. There was nothing there. Of course, there was nothing there. You're just crazy. He fussed at his hair. Crazy and drunk and...

"Gray?"

He whirled around and found Joseph by the countertop. His friend flushed, "Sorry. It started raining so I came inside. I didn't know if... Are you OK?"

"Yeah, sorry," Gray rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "Just lost in thought."

"Something happen?"

You don't have to lie. I know you'll die; I know that's why you're making Joseph promise he'll take care of me. Roman's voice rasped at his ears. Gray pressed his palms to them, trying to rub out the sound. It's just a contingency plan.

In case you end up like Mom.

"Gray?"

Joseph stood directly in front of him, eyes wide. His smile tried desperately to reassure, but that cerulean betrayed his fear. He cocked his head off to one side and offered a comforting touch on his shoulder. Gray saw his other hand twitch towards his cheek, but it retreated under his gaze. He closed his eyes and imagined it had touched him, holding the hand to his shoulder, "I'm OK."

"Did something happen?"

He shrugged, let Joseph go and picked another beer out of the cardboard, "Oh, same old, same old."

"Was it something he overheard?"

Gray paled a little, focusing on his beer, "He'll get over it."

Joseph opened his mouth to say something more, but Gray limped towards the doorway to the living room, "C'mon. We can sit on the couch, you know."

So they sat on opposite ends of the couch, sipping their beers. Gray considered his stoically, and Joseph broke the silence, "You remember the first time we had this? Pilfered pilsner straight from the back of Arnold's fridge? He was so angry..."

"He wasn't angry."

"I remember him being pretty angry," Joseph retorted, taking another swig. "We got pretty thoroughly chewed out, not that I was sober enough to care."

"But he wasn't angry," Gray set his empty can aside and took another. How many is this now? It didn't really matter. The noise was finally starting to drain away; the shadows dancing in the corners of his eyes were beginning to slow. He cracked open the new can and took a long, slow sip, "I guess it was after you went home. Roman had fallen asleep in the spare bedroom. I'd been sitting in the kitchen trying to sober up, and that's when he explained it to me."

"Explained what?"

"That he wasn't angry," Gray bit his lip, "and that he didn't think I was worthless or ruined or cowardly or any of things I had been calling myself in my head. That I never had to worry about him thinking those things or being a disappointment to him over such little things. That..." he gritted his teeth, "That he wasn't my father."

Joseph took a long swig of beer.

"I wish that he had been," Gray said, clutching tightly onto his beer can like it was the only means of escape. He stared at the label as emotion crept up his throat like bile; he could taste it, sour, at the back of his molars. "More than anything, I wish..."

"That he was still here?" Joseph filled in, setting his own empty can aside. He stiffened as Gray went to down the rest of his beer in one go. No hesitation. No wince. Just something empty he was trying desperately to fill. He touched lightly on Gray's wrist, "Easy..."