Chapter Thirty-Six

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**Depictions of mania. Slight gore, slight self-harm depictions. Read at your own discretion. This chapter was written using 'Speak Up' from the Twilight soundtrack :)**


My arm raised above my head, followed by the other one. The music was commanding; it directed by body to move, and so it did.

I fluttered past Jeff's corpse, blood still cascading down his face, my axe handle sticking up from the center of his forehead, as his body sunk more into his final resting position. He had been in my way; cornering me into agreements I had no business being in, especially with him. He should have known better than to cross me. He should have known better than to try and claim (Name). He should have known not to mention my fucking sister.

He had more than known what he was in for as soon as the words had left his ugly-fucking-mouth. He made his bed, and now, he had to lie in it.

The music hammered at my eardrums, voiding my mind of all the Earthly thoughts that had burdened me for so long.

It would start to play so quietly; only audible enough for me to question if I was really hearing something, or if I was just descending into insanity.

But I didn't have to question it. I was fucking insane. And as I let my instability consume me, the music would drown out my every mortal thought and replace it with a melodic, entrancing tune. I didn't have to will my body to move in that state; it just moved.

The music freed me of my thoughts, my anxiety, and for the briefest of fucking moments, my tics.

It was heavenly to be able to succumb to such an overwhelming peace, and every time I was presented the opportunity, I happily fucking took it.

And suddenly, it was over. I stood in the wake of my mess, staring down at my calloused hands.

I had killed him. I had fucking taken his life right where he sat. And I didn't feel bad.

I didn't feel bad because I knew (Name) would be safe. I had her best interest at heart, and probably always would. I didn't want harm to befall her, and that feeling was making itself more and more present in myself. With Jeff dead, I could breathe a bit easier knowing it was one less person that was after her.

I pressed myself against the wall facing Jeff and sank down to sit. I wasn't stable. I never would be.

Every moment I breathed was another moment I found myself thinking about her. The way she knew just what to say, or what not to say. The way her body just suited her so well, if that even made sense. The way I'd give my last fucking moment to her without hesitating for even a singular split-second.

If I really wanted to keep her safe, I'd have to stay away from her, too.

I didn't want to chance hurting her, because if I was honest, I would hurt her.

If I had met (Name) when I was Tobias Erin Rogers, it would have been so much different. I could have changed for her then, I wasn't too lost to be properly found back in my teenhood.

I could have done it properly, and became her friend before awkwardly telling her my feelings and asking her out. In another life, she could have been my highschool-sweetheart. Maybe by now, we would have had a little backyard wedding and a baby on the way. A nice little house, all to ourselves. A little slice of heaven, all to ourselves.

But I was too prone to burning nice little houses down and taking no fucking prisoners.

Every little ounce of Tobias Erin Rogers was burned to ash along with that nice little house all those years back. I chose what way I wanted to live, who I wanted to be, as soon as I chose to lift that axe. I never looked back, and I wouldn't now.

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