Silver Linings (Andy Barber)

-11-

"Tell me about your friend, Genevieve was it?" Dr Dyers eyed Andy over the rim of his glasses as he was seated across from him for yet another weekly dose of talking about trauma. They had seemed to have covered the hard stuff now, and the last week or so had been better. He'd spoken about his mother during the last session which was nice considering he rarely mentioned her these days. 

"Yeah." Andy nodded. 

"You were friends in school?" 

Andy shifted in his seat. "She's probably the only real friend I had, and not just while I was here." 

"And how long was that for?" 

"About three years? Maybe four - I can't quite remember, it kinda went more quickly for me as a kid than it would have done for my mother." 

Dyers nodded, pen already jotting down key notes. "How did you meet?" 

Andy crossed his arms and shifted some more, pretending to think so as he could leave Dyers hanging for a while. He'd never forgotten the day though. "I was down the waterfront, just watching some boats - I usually spent most of my time alone, and then...she just appeared out of nowhere." He smiled to himself. 

"Hi!" Andy jumped as a girl was now stood next to the bench he was sat on. 

"Er, hi..." He said quietly, a little uncertain of who she was and whether she'd threaten to take his lunch money or something. 

"This spot taken?" 

He shook his head and she sat down next to him. "I'm Genevieve, I've seen you at school? We're in some of the same classes together."  She told him.

"Andy. I moved here a couple of weeks ago..." He smiled faintly. 

"Cool! You like it here?" 

He shrugged. "It's ok, I guess - my mom and I move around a lot."  He couldn't even remember the name of the last place they'd lived. 

"Oh. That must be annoying." 

Andy shot her a sideways glance. "Mhmm..." 

"You made any friends yet?" Genevieve now asked. 

"Not really." 

"You wanna be my friend?" 

Andy nodded. "Sure..." 

It had been the best decision that he'd made for himself as a kid. Because from them on, they'd spent everyday together. Gen didn't have a dad either as her parents were divorced so they could easily bond about absent fathers, although he hadn't divulged in why his father wasn't around until much later. Even then she hadn't batted an eyelid. 

"How did you feel coming back here? Did you think of the possibility that she might still be here or..."  Dyers question dissolved the memory from his mind.

Andy shook his head. "I thought that she would have left years ago, I never expected to find her again."  It had been an impulsive decision to actually move back here. It had been the first place that had popped into his mind. Low and behold he'd found a home for sale that would suit him. 

He didn't really believe in fate, but it had been on his side finding the house and Gen. 

"She's your lifeline - how has she been helping in terms of support. I know you mentioned she had been in some of our other sessions." Dyers now asked him. 

"I think she's been helping me more than she knows. And her daughter?" His smiled broadened on thinking about the gummy little smiles that Cora gave him. Gen had sent him a few pictures of her attempting to roll over and videos of her giggling. Only just that weekend she'd been laughing her little head off as he'd played made silly faces at her. "She's just therapy in itself. Always cheers me up if I've had a rubbish day. She and Gen haven't deserved the start they've both had. I wanted to be there to support them too - and I think it's been good for both of us. I mean, we've only got each other - just like we did when we were kids..." He trailed off quietly, realising that even now years later they still were all they had. 

Dyers wrote some things down and then nodded. "And how did you feel when you first saw her again?" 

"I guess...relief? Surprise - the usual crap you feel when you haven't seen someone in a long time".

"And how have you been supporting her?"

"I've been helping her out with Cora - that's her daughter." He put in. "She's a first time mom and I remember how it felt, the pressure of wondering if you were doing something right or wrong. Whether you were being a good parent, worrying about the slightest things like whether they were wearing too many layers and stuff."  Andy shrugged, "She's a single mom and when I came here Cora was only a couple of weeks old - and she was struggling." Now he found himself going off and talking about her. "Gen's the kind of person who doesn't like to ask for help - she was always like that at school. She wants to be seen as strong which I guess everyone does...but we all have our breaking point, even me..." and sighed. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd do anything for her, and for Cora. They didn't deserve the start they had." 

Dyers nodded slowly, taking it all in. "And how often do you see them both?" 

"Every Thursday, sometimes on the weekends too - I usually have dinner with Gen and we just catch up." 

"That's good, healthy - gets stuff off of your mind without someone sitting there writing it all down. "Dyers looked amused. 

Andy chuckled at this. "Gotta admit, I couldn't do what you do." and then thought to himself. "I guess Cora's helping me deal with Jake's loss. I feel like I have someone to be there for again - I lost all that sense of parental responsibility when he died."

"Well technically you are the only father figure she knows." The therapist pointed out, "How are you coping when you think about Jacob?" 

He paused. "I've only just got around to putting a picture of me and him up. It's a slow process but it's becoming easier - and talking about him is too. Sometimes I find myself saying things about him so easily that I don't realise I've said it until after it's out of my mouth." 

"Now that is progress. You don't want to remember the bad Andy, the last few months of your sons life may have not been the best, however the rest of his life? Those are the memories that you need to focus on." 

"And I am, they're all in his photo album." 

Dyers looked at him. "What about your wife." 

Immediately Andy shook his head. "No. I made sure to push that to the back of my mind - move on. She did what she did and now I have to live with it. But what I won't be doing is thinking about her or talking about her." 

"A wise decision. By the sounds of things you are most certainly moving on." 

"Trying my best." 

"Aren't we all." Dyers smiled kindly. "I noticed that when you speak of Jacob, and both Genevieve and Cora...you have the same smile on your face." 

Andy looked at his hands that were resting in his lap. "Probably because they are the only three people in the world who I would do anything for. "

Dyers agreed. "It's certainly plain to see that they are the most special to you" and looked at his watch. "And that is us done for another week - I'm really pleased with just how well you're doing. Are you sleeping more now?" 

"I am, Gen marched me to the pharmacy after I got the prescription from the doctor, and pretty much made me take them that evening before she left to go home." He half laughed as he stood up and shrugged on his jacket. "Been sleeping better ever since although some nights I wake up once. It's not as often anymore though." 

"Well - Genevieve certainly sounds like a hell of a woman." 

Andy grinned and nodded to himself. "Yeah...she certainly is..."