The Wings Of A Caged Bird | First Draft

chapter 41: a tale of brothers

July doesn't meet my gaze. No, he didn't tell me anything much about her. And I know there is something about his relationship with her that he's hiding from me, especially about the day before her death. But I never gave it much importance because we simply do not have enough time to dwell on the negativities. And yet here we are.

"Regardless, it was through Moon that I started to find out about my family's secret. Moon's father was some sort of influential man of the underworld, and my fake parents had taken favours from him. To cover their tracks I suppose. And after I found out the whole truth, I realized how everything I have ever been told was a complete lie. They never loved me, they never wanted anything but to use me. The entire concept of love is commercialized to them. I realized what I did to my brother was too beyond repair. My mind was in a complete mess and I couldn't make sense of what to do."

"So you chose to run away," I say, making sure the spite is evident in my voice.

"Yes." He looks at his lap. "I was feeling suffocated, and that was the only thing left for me to do. I swear on God, trust me when I tell you that I truly wanted to bring Hale along with me. I truly, truly did. But I didn't have enough money. So I-"

"Then you should've waited for him!" I snap.

"Could you have done that?" He stands up, sounding defensive for the first time. "Could you have lived another second under that roof, knowing that you're living with the people who killed your parents? Knowing that you have been living with them for seventeen years, while all they wanted was to use you for money, after they killed your parents for the same? Or forget that. Could you have taken a rational decision after all that information was suddenly thrust upon you? Could you?"

At that, I lose my words. Because he is right. I couldn't stay in that house after receiving a slap. I'm no one to talk here.

His tone becomes softer, almost reducing to a whisper. "I told him to wait for me. I told him I will come back to take him with me. I promised him. It's true, I underestimated the amount of time it will take me to do that. I lived in riches, I had no idea how fucking difficult the world out here is. But trust me, you can ask Hwiyoung- I mean Nova too- only a few days before I heard about his suicide, I was planning to go to Heilber and bring him with me. I was so devastated when I found out, I didn't even properly register that he died with my name. I had everything planned about my life with him. Though I wasn't in a financially good position, I thought I would figure it out the same way I did with Nova. He just needed to wait a few more days, and I would be there-"

"You're lying!" I scream. "You never told him to wait for you! You only apologized to him once and then you left, without even explaining why. Stop trying to show me your saviour complex-"

"Cedar."

I look at July, my lips trembling. He looks like he has just had a realization that he can't come to terms with. He tells me, "I think . . . he did tell me a lot of things before saying sorry. But I was in a half-asleep state. I couldn't properly process it . . ."

"I don't know what he told you, but I swear I told him to wait for me. Nothing I've told you so far is a lie. Please trust me. I-"

I feel a wire snap loudly inside my temple, and everything turns hot red. Before I know it, I'm grabbing him by the collar and pinning him down on the bed. My hand throws punches for the first time in my life, but it seems to know exactly how to do it, because everytime my knuckles hit his face, a burst of pain shoots up my arm. I'm so exhausted, I'm so angry. I'm going to kill him. I'm really going to kill this guy. So I keep hitting him, and I keep my eyes closed as I do. Because he looks exactly like the person I love so much, the person whose hair I gently combed yesterday because I love him so much. He looks exactly like him, but he's not him, he'll never be him. But he'll get to live while the one I love is dead. This is so unfair. Why does this keep happening to me? I'm sick of this. I can't take it anymore. I will kill him. I really will.