The Wings Of A Caged Bird | First Draft

chapter 23: the cycle of poverty

"Hello, who is it?"

His voice sounds tired. Regardless, a surge of warmth rises inside my chest. I take a deep breath and clear my throat. "Edgar, it's me."

Silence.

"Hello? Ed-"

"Cedar?!" he screams, and I instinctively move the telephone receiver away from my ear. When I bring it back, I hear him saying, "–you? It's really you?"

"Uh, yeah, it's me . . ."

"Tha- Wha- I-" A pause. This is so weird. I expected him to mutter a series of extremely creative curses right after hearing my voice, but he sounds way too shocked to do that. "It's really you?" he asks again.

"Edgar? Are you really that shocked? It's me, Cedar Lockwood. The nerd. Horrendous Remake of Squidward. Do you believe me now?"

"Holy fuck," he says. At least that sounds normal. But then he asks something I never expected him to ask. "Dude, are you okay? Are you, like, hurt somewhere? What the fu- you're not in a hospital or something, right? Fuck," he lowers his voice, "did you get kidnapped?"

"What?" I frown. "Dude, pessimism is my character trait. Stick to your role."

"For fuck's sake, are you okay or not?!"

"I'm okay, I'm okay. God. And no, I'm not in a hospital, nor have I been kidnapped. I'm totally fine. Calm down."

I hear a long, loud sigh of relief on the other hand. I can't help but smile. The bastard really was that worried about me.

"You were supposed to call me three days ago. What the fuck happened? Do you know how worried I was? And over here Lexi kept spilling her oracle prophecies saying she has a bad feeling about you right after the last phonecall. She was especially fidgety yesterday. What the fuck happened?"

"Eh? Really?" This is quite strange. After all, it was soon after that phonecall that I got lost in the forest. And yesterday is the day I was only a minute away from my death. How did Lexi . . .?

"Hello? You there?"

"Ah, yeah, um. Actually, something bad did happen yesterday."

"What? What happened?" His voice holds mild fear.

"I, uh, I fell from a 20ft cliff."

Once again, silence.

"But don't worry, I'm fi-"

At that moment, I hear the loudest wheeze ever, as if Edgar is spilling his lungs out through his nose. Then he bursts into a hysteric fit of laughter, to the point I hear his phone drop to the ground. I am so baffled that I feel my jaw hang open. He continues laughing like a madman for the next few seconds, then says, "Jesus-", then laughs some more, takes a deep breath, then laughs again.

"Edgar, I almost died!" I say with utter dismay.

"This is so funny! Just the image of your scrawny ass falling down a cliff is so fucking funny!" Then I hear him say, "Hey, second child! Guess what? The rich bastard fell from a god-damned cliff!"

In a distance, I hear brother Eden burst into a fit of laughter that sounds way too identical to Edgar's, and I'm even more baffled. In between laughs, he says, "Holy fuck, he fell from a cliff?  Hey, dad! Did you hear that shit? Middle child's rich-ass friend fell from a fucking cliff."

In a farther distance, I hear another burst of laughter, this one deeper to prove that it is indeed Mr. Conway laughing. What the hell is wrong with this family's sense of humor?!