burnt out ; jim carroll

chapter 5.

MADDY'S POV:

" You guys remember that Halloween when Bobby filled that paper bag with dog shit, lit it on fire and put it outside Father Dunne's door, and we all hid behind that dumpster?" Pedro asks. " Yeah." I mumble. " I could picture Father Dunne coming outside, stepping on that shit. Picture him scrapping the shit off his shoe like shit." Pedro demonstrates. " You think that'll keep him out of heaven?" He chuckles.
" What are you kidding me? Jesus Christ himself would've laughed at that, it was hilarious." Mickey states.

Neutron starts, " What about the time at the formal when Bobby got caught in the bathroom — with uh, Maryanne Dugan. Father Mcnulty came in and busted 'em. He was like ' Father I swear we weren't doing anything ' — Meanwhile she's got like a giant wad of cvm hanging off her face." Everyone laughs except for Jim and I. It got quiet for a few seconds after

" It was weird seeing him today, man. He was all shriveled up and wrinkled. He look like my grandfather." Pedro sighs taking out a cigarette. " I'll tell you what, though. That kid was in so much pain — It's better off he died." Mickey says. " What the fuck, man?" I sigh.
" Yeah, how the hell would you know, Mickey? Did you go and visit him? Huh? Did any of you guys go and visit him?" Jim yells. No one responds but just looks down. " All right then shut the fuck up." He finishes. I look up at the bunch and get up sitting next to Jim, not saying a word.

" Hey, Jim — look at my brother's girlfriend at Tiran parks, she's sitting there eating a sandwich next thing you know she's shot in the head. She's dead. It's over." Mickey says. " It was meant to be, right?" Mickey says under his breath. Getting upset, Jim gets up slamming his drink down onto the wooden table, " Fuck that you guys! Bobby was the best fucking guy around, you know that?" He yells. " Yeah, what are you? A bunch of idiots?" I ask. " You don't even understand, do you?" Tears slowly streaming down his face, he walks towards the chain link fence, throwing his drink causing it to go everywhere. He grips his fingers between the spaces in the fence and presses his face up against it letting out a few cries. I walk up behind him and wrap my arm around him. He looks at me with a sad glaze.

" You know what? You guys need to lighten the fuck up, alright?" Mickey says walking across the tables and throwing his drink to the ground. He walks back with a basketball dribbling it back over to us.
" Shit happens man. Shit fucking happens." Mickey says walking towards the basketball quarts leaving us all. Neutron smirks and mumbles, " Let's go." Pedro nods and they begin to walk with Mickey, now leaving me and Jim alone. " C'mon man, maybe we should just go." I say. Jim nods as we follow not far behind from the others.

—

Did I ever tell you about the first time I did heroin? Bobby's death hit hard for Jim and I. All we needed was comfort, a way to cope. You know? But unfortunately for us, we chose the wrong way. Anyways, I went down to Pedro's basement, all sorts of characters were in this storage room shooting gallery. I was just gonna sniff a bag, but a guy says, if you're gonna sniff, you might as well pop it. If you're gonna pop it, you might as well mainline. I was scared of needles. But I gave in. It was like a long heatwave through my body. Any ache or pain or sadness or guilty feeling as completely washed out. Although this did happen and heroin can obviously be very addictive, luckily for me I didn't get caught up with it too much. Sadly, I can't say the same for Jim.
—

an: sorry I haven't been updating. i know this isn't the best and it's very short but hopefully writing this will inspire me to write more of this story as I now started a new one. love you all sm. thank you for reading