burnt out ; jim carroll

chapter 4.

( word count: 1562 ) MADDY'S POV:

" Hey, y'all, I carried the clothes up, but I ain't carrying them down. Peepee, this is you -- all 33 pounds of you, gone with the wind." Mickey chuckles at his own comment as he throws Pedro's clothes down the river. " Wow. That's a long way down." Pedro states. " What do you mean a long way down? We've all done it a million times." Mickey argues. " I never done it." Pedro says. " You never did it?" Mickey asks. Pedro shakes his head. " Pedro, you never do nothing. You know who was awesome on this rock? Bobby. That kid would do backflips off this rock." Mickey says proudly. It was true. " Hey, Mickey." Jim says. Mickey spits into the river and replies, " What?" " Don't talk about him like he's dead. He's not dead." Jim tells him. No one says nothing for at least a minute. " There goes the circle line. Check it out." Neutron says, breaking the silence. All four boys laugh as the get up further on the rock and pull down their pants. " Hey, circle this!" Jim yells. I cringe but slightly giggle. They all laugh and yell random shit til' the circle line had passed through. As soon as it was out of sight they pulled their pants back up.

" Hey, I'm going. Watch out -- watch out. I'm going to show you how to do it." Mickey says backing out getting ready to jump off. He yells as he goes down. We hear the loud but quiet splash, signaling that he made it down and is now under water. Jim chuckles, " That was a good jump." " Oh, he's nuts." Neutron adds.
" Hey, I'm going to walk down." Pedro says, looking over the edge. " What are you talking about? You can't walk down. There's no way to walk down." I tell him. " I ain't jumping." He says. " Pedro, your clothes are down there. How you gonna get your clothes? You gonna walk around naked all day?" Jim asks. " Pedro, if you don't jump, Mickey's going to tease you so bad. You might as well just jump and get it over with. Feel better." Neuron adds. Both Jim and I nod in agreement. " What the hell, right?" Pedro smirks, getting ready to jump. " Oh shit!" Pedro yells dragging out the words. " Holy shit he actually did it." I say. Jim chuckles as we all jump to our feet to look over and see if he's all right. " Pedro! Bad form. Bad form. Bad form." Jim yells as Pedro hits the water. " Oh My God!" Jim and I yell. " Oh, shit, is he all right?" Neutron asks. " Pedro, you all right?" I yell. He comes back up from the water. We all laugh," You ready?" Jim asks. I reply, " Yeah."

" Listen, don't tell the other guys, but when we leave here, I got a surprise for you two." Neutron tells Jim and I. I look at him with a confused face, " What is it?" I ask. He shakes his head, " You'll see." " Tell me what it is." Jim chuckles. " It's a surprise. Trust me, all right? Don't mess around, man. All right, you ready?" Neutron asks. " Let's jump." I say. " On three, ready?" Jim adds. " Uh-huh." I mumble.
" Okay, one, two, three." We jump and count in sync.

After we were done messing around with Mickey and Pedro, Neutron took Jim and I to these apartments I had never seen around the neighborhood before. I hadn't been around here so I was highly confused. " Come on. Let's go." Neutron says. " What's up Manny? How you doing?" He asks the guy that must be in charge of the gates or something. " Fine. Thank you, sir." The dude replies. " These are my friends, Maddy, Jim." Neutron introduces us.
" Nice to meet you." I smile. Jim smiles, " How you doing?" He asks. The guy nods. " I can't believe I hit my head on the rock. It's killing me." Jim sighs.

Jim and I follow Neutron inside. He stops at the door number 4 and knocks. "What is this?" I whisper. He puts his finger up to his mouth. The door finally opens and it's just some girl. She leans in and her and Neutron kiss. " Ew." I whisper in Jim's ear. He chuckles. " Um, this is Winkie." Neutron says. " Hi." She smiles.
" How you doing?" He chuckles. " Good." She laughs. I look up to see another one of the girl that is just in front of us. They must be twins or something. " And this -- this is Blinkie." Neuron smiles. " Hi." Jim and the girl say in sync.

While Neutron and Winkie were on the other couch Jim, Blinkie and I sat on this other couch just making conversation. Well until, "I've seen you play ball, Jim. You're a very beautiful player. Very zen." The girl says. He doesn't say anything, but just smiles at her. She gets up, " I'll be right back." She says. As soon as she leave the room I whisper, "We should get outta here. I'm leaving. You can come if you want but I'm outta here." " What? C'mon, Maddy. Don't be like that." He says. " Be like what?" I argue. " Whatever. I'll stop by your room later." He says. " Fine, just don't do anything stupid." I mumble. Right as I got to the door I turned around to see Jim looking at me. He gave me a light smile, I didn't smile back just walked out the door and quickly closed it behind me. I felt my stomach sink. In fact, Jim never actually stopped by. I haven't talked to him or the guys for at least a day or two. Maybe they were mad at me? I don't know but the thought made me feel sick to my stomach.

JIM'S POV:

I watched as Maddy walked out the door. She turned to get one last look at me and I gave her a light smile. She didn't say or do anything. Just walked out the door. I waited on the couch for a few minutes. Trying to make up my mind if I should leave and catch up to Maddy now, or wait here and see what happens. I thought back to what she had said and decided to try and catch up to her. As I was going to get up, Blinkie walked back into the room. She sat down next to me, but closer than before.
" Where'd your friend go?" She asked. " She left. Didn't feel well." I lied. She nodded and handed me something. I couldn't tell what it was at first but after looking at it for a minute I realized what it was. Man I should've listened to Maddy, I thought. She looked at me as if she was waiting for me to make the first move. I looked down to see her hand on my thigh, " It'll make you fuck like Superman. Faster than a speeding bullet -- more powerful than a locomotive. Able to, um -- I can't like of anything with a single bound." She whispered into my ear. I smirk at her. You can probably guess what happened.

* sorry in advance for this *

" Do you have any protection?" She asks.
" Yeah -- this one's, uh, ribbed for extra pleasure." I laugh. She smiles, " So what are you waiting for?" I ask, " What do you mean?"
" Take off your clothes." She tells me. I look around the room, inhale through my nose and wipe the nothing off of it. " Well, uh, could we shut off the lights first?" I ask. She smiles and leans in to kiss me, pushing me down.

—

White ship disappears in the wave this morning. Your eyes got shut with secret chains -- that pillow armies eventually set free, like soft horses though toy desserts. I love this mansion, though it's too many windows to open halfway each morning -- to close halfway each night.

I set my notebook down and reach for the side table.

MADDY'S POV:

Jim seemed different after finally talking to him again. I couldn't help but wonder if something happened after I left. We both found out about Bobby around the same time. In fact, that was the only reason we had spoken again. I knew things after this would never be the same as before. I could tell Jim regretted not going back. All though I did, I still regretted not going back one last time.

We looked at his body, and it was death for the first time. His face was thin and wrinkled, almost apelike. His hair, just grey patches on his scalp. He looked 60 years old, and he was 16. I couldn't believe how skinny he was -- much skinner then he was in the hospital. It was like having the skeleton of someone you knew put right in front of you. I felt dazed, like I'd just come out of a four-hour movie I didn't understand. I kept thinking about his face -- and death. What a cheat the whole thing was.

AN: thank you so much for reading <3 I will try to update whenever I can. Sorry this isn't the best I might come back and edit it later but I wanted to put something out tonight

( for the people that already read this I updated it and tried to make this chapter a little better.)