What is a Toaster? | Sabriel

I Know What I'm Fighting For

It got increasingly worse for Gabriel, who was fighting the depression that threatened to swamp him at every hour. It was as if someone was trying to put a bag of his head, and that no matter how much struggling he did, he just couldn't get away from it. He was beginning to break, and he will be terrified when it happens.

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Three more weeks passed before there was anything. Gabriel had woken up to feel a warm body pressed against his back. It comforted him, and the past month felt like nothing but a harsh dream. He had snuggled down into the embrace, and felt Sam shift, pulling him tighter against his body.

The moment ended when Gabriel eventually had to get up for work at his new job. It wasn't the best job in the world, as he only worked at a small clinic on the other side of town, but he enjoyed it, so he didn't worry to much. But, as he shifted out of Sam's cuddling, the amnesiac slowly opened his eyes, frowning.

"Gabe? What am I doing in here?" Sam had asked, raising his head with a groggy expression. Gabriel's heart had twisted with such pain as he heard the nickname, and he barely turned his face out of Sam's view before tears flooded down his cheeks. He forced himself to remain silent, so Sam wouldn't hear.

"I'm not sure, kiddo. Y-you probably just had a bad dream or something and c-came in here." Gabriel managed to say, only stammering over a few of the words. He missed his Sam, he wanted Sam, and it tore at his soul knowing that he could no longer have him.

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The couple months had come and passed, and Sam still remained unknown to his memories. Like promised, Dean and Castiel had come over to collect the man, to take them to their home to try and help him. By now, Gabriel had lost all hope, and he slept in that morning, only to be woken up by Castiel and Dean coming in, carrying the last of Sam's things.

"Gabriel, you know you can visit whenever you want." Castiel urged, sitting beside Gabriel on the edge of the bed. "He's just coming with us so we can try and get his memory back. IT's not like we're taking him forever."

"Why should it matter?" Gabreil responded dully, not bothering to look at his brother or Dean as he stared blankly at the wall. "He doesn't remember me. When he leaves now, he won't even give me a second thought. I'll just be the nurse that took care of him."

Castiel sighed in response, patting Gabriel on the back soothingly. The nurse heard Dean mumble for Castiel to let him try and talk some sense in Gabriel. It was followed by an agreement from the black-haired husband, and the door as he walked out and shut it behind him.

"Listen, Gabriel. We aren't the best of friends, I know that, but still, you care about Sam, and I want you to keep fighting. He will get his memory back, and you can be happy, but until then, he's going to need someone who understands him, and you're the best person for that. Alright?" Dean tried to encourage the nurse. Gabriel finally moved his gaze from the wall, focusing on the green gaze of his lover's brother.

"It's no use Dean. I just need to give up." Gabriel growled before looking away, tears spilling from his eyes. The depression had won, he had finally broke.

The Winchester huffed in frustration before standing. "I'm sorry you feel that way." Dean growled before he stalked out, slamming the door behind him. Gabriel flinched at the noise, but did nothing else.

What was the point when he was so empty inside?

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It was reaching nine o' clock at night before Gabriel got out of bed, mainly to use the bathroom and get something to eat. It wasn't as if he was hungry, but he was in no mood to starve himself, mainly because his stomach would make unnecessary noises, and the nurse just wanted complete silence.

He walked into the kitchen, the dishes from yesterday washed and placed in the drying rack. Castiel must have cleaned them before he left.

He picked up one of the freshly clean plates and grabbed the bread, taking two slices and sticking them in the toaster, only to frown when one of them wouldn't go in. He glanced in the contraption and saw a poptart lodged in the rack. With carefulness, he managed to work it out - only losing a few crumbs - and staring at the sweet food.

It probably had been part of Sam's breakfast that morning, but he had forgotten to actually eat it in the rush of getting his things together. It made Gabriel smile as he looked down at the poptart, new tears making tracks down his face as he remembered their time together.

Sam had always loved the toaster ever since he had discovered what it was. If it was toastable, Sam had wanted it to be, and it only served to break Gabriel's heart as he gazed at the silver machine.

But, it also provided him with a warmth that he hadn't experienced in these past few weeks. It reminded him that even though he had lost Sam, the actual man was still alive, that he could still see him. So what if he didn't remember? Gabriel could fix this one way or another.

So, after work the next day, he wasn't surprised when he found himself pulling into Dean and Castiel's driveway, nervousness making his chest and stomach flutter at the prospect of starting over with Sam. He knocked on the door, waiting  as patiently as he could, his hand tapping a rhythm on his thigh. It was when the door opened, revealing Sam that Gabriel smiled, feeling love warm his body.

"Heya, kiddo."