𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝙶𝚒𝚛𝚕𝚜

give me the balls to orchestrate a graceful leave, thats my reprieve

[you gotta die sometime - falsettos]

[0]

        Shaking, I grabbed his hand with what little strength I still had- begging, pleading, crying for him to stay with me. I felt hot and sick- my own words didn't even make sense to me- they blended in with the soft ringing lingering in the back of my head. 

        "pl....ease,"  I could feel the burning hot blood gush from my wound, my heart pounded against my aching ribs. "I...." 

        He knelt down to my level, gripping my hand back. He was shaking. I was the one bleeding to death, yet he was scared? I couldn't find it in me to be angry. I just gave a weak squeeze- choking on my own tongue as I tried to mutter out my final request. 

        He ran his thumb in circles over and over again on the back of my hand, gently shushing me. "It's ok kid- you don't have to say anything." His voice had lost it's body- its stern, 'take-no-shit' attitude. Now he was just a man. A scared, weak man, hunched over and trying his best to steady his pathetic, trembling voice. His brown hair was greasy and clumped over his eyes, sunken in with years of dejection and misery.

        My tears sting my eyes, but I refuse to let them close for even a second- I'm scared i wont be able to open them again. I look at his face, even behind the blurring of my tears and the dirt and blood, I spot a specific look on his face- Forlorn, yet exacerbated. My chest tightened as he tore his eyes away from mine- guilt ridden over millions of things he had no control over. 

        He bit his cheek, squeezing my hand harder as the subtle ringing grew louder and louder- like it wasn't just in my head. I felt his grip weaken, and my hand that I had just now realized had grown faint, fell back onto the asphalt. I tried to lift my head up, but I couldn't move even an inch. He stood up- his first balled and nails no doubt digging into the flesh of his palm. 

        I reached for his leg as he turned his back to me- the weak throbs and pulsing of my heart growing desperate and confused as i tried to reach out for him. "W...wait...please..." I tried speaking over the belting screech that only grew louder and louder.

        This time he didn't say anything. He just started walking. I mumbled, or screamed, or whispered, or maybe i didn't say a single thing. 

        I hope he heard me.

        "I don't want to die alone."

        I didn't. 

        The idea of my body rotting here.

        In this shit hole.

        I had plans.

        Dreams.

        And all of that was taken from me- For what? What's the goddamn point? I did everything I was supposed to do. I studied. I worked. I put up with all the bullshit in this town and what was it all for? To die here with no one left? My life, my friends, my family, my mind taken from me. Was this how it was always meant to be? Did i do something to deserve this? Why? Why am I alone? Im alone. I don't want to die alone. I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone I don't want to die alone