Canvas - Z.M

Chapter 48

Zayns POV

I didn't want to wake up.

Knowing just how much pain today is going to bring, is giving me more and more anxiety to face her.

The fact my head was pounding didn't help me either.

I'm staring at Louis. He's talking, as usual, but I can't register what he's saying.

I feel robotic.

Louis snaps his finger in my face and I blink rapidly.

He says something again. But I don't hear him. All I can think about was last night.

I clench my fist, causing my knuckles to click in a few places and he cringes.

"I blew it." I murmur. "She's never going to take me back."

He sighs and continues talking again, but as usual I can't hear him. It's like my mind is in a trance.

All I want to do is get out of this house and go to her, but I don't have the guts to face her.

Louis slaps my face lightly and I grab his hand as memories, unwanted memories come crashing back to me when she slapped me.

"Don't." I shake my head at him and he frowns in confusion.

"What's wrong with you?" Louis frowns. "Are you even listening?"

"Yeah." I lie before standing and walking away, only to be faced with Eleanor who folds her arms at me.

"I'm so angry at you right now!" Eleanor says tightly.

Great. I'm going to be facing that for the next week.

"I had faith in you. We all did!" She murmurs.

I can't handle this. Shaking my head, I walk out of the house and continue to walk the five blocks to my house.

I'm trying to figure out what to say to her.

I guess it's a good thing that I remember, but at the same time. I don't want to remember.

I don't want to remember her fear, or the sadness on her face. I don't want to remember what I said to her because I know that it's going to haunt me more than I want it to.

And then I have the situation with Candice.

That fucking bitch.

I kick at the pavement as I shove my hands deep into my pockets to find my cigarettes.

Pulling one out, I feel my pockets for a lighter and pull one out of my jacket to light the end.

Sighing, I take a well needed puff from the cancer stick and continue walking.

My heart is pounding in my chest as the worry drains through me.

You're done. She's done with you.

I squeeze my eyes closed and sigh. I don't want to put my hopes up. It'll fucking break me.

"Can I have a puff mate?"

I stop and turn to see Louis walking up behind me, he grabs the cigarette out of my grasp and winks before continuing.

"Go back home." I frown, catching up to him to grab the stick from his mouth.

"Nah. Mate, I know that as soon as she leaves, you're going to start drinking again. I'm here for ya." Louis pats my shoulder.

"So you think she isn't going to take me back?" I question.