Canvas - Z.M

Chapter 31

"Your cold, and I burn. I guess I'll never learn." -The 1975.

Love.

It's a stupid kind of thing.

It makes you vulnerable, weaker, stronger. It makes you all these things that can change you into a different person. It's amazing how one person, just one human can have such an impact on you. Just by looking at them, being next to them, listening to them or even thinking of them, can change your mood.

Right now, as I stay seated at the dinning room table with an empty house and a dirty kitchen. I'm left wondering if I've already accepted the fact that my boyfriend will never say 'I love you.'

I sigh and look down at my coffee, my finger still circling the rim of the mug as I hear his footsteps approaching from behind me.

"You're back." I raise my eyebrow as he stands beside me. I don't look at him because my eyes are stuck on my mug.

"What are you doing up?" Zayn questions.

"I couldn't sleep." I frown before taking the rest of my tea down and standing.

Zayn grabs my wrist as I brush past him and I hold his gaze as the smell of weed circulates me.

"It's christmas and you're off getting stoned somewhere." I frown.

"It's boxing day." 

I roll my eyes and shrug out of his old as I place the mug on the bench and weave my through doors and hallways to get to he staircase. Zayn is hot on my heels.

"I just got caught up." Zayn mumbles.

I shake my head. "I'm too tired to have this conversation."

"I was only with Anthony." Zayn argues, before grabbing my wrist again and pulling me back. I almost miss a step and stumble back. "You're acting as if I was gone to a girls house."

"It was the fact that you were gone at all on Christmas day. Every christmas we've spent, you're always disappearing." I scowl. "This one time I thought it would be different. You left when you're family left which was, what, five hours ago?!"

Zayns frown deepens. "Well fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't realise I was gone that long. Just calm down."

Calm?! Calm down?! I frown at him and pull away before walking upstairs again.

"Really? Is that all I'm going to get now?" Zayn questions.

I ignore him. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but after having such a long time to think to myself after realising how incapable Zayn is of saying those three simple words to me, I can't handle anything as good as I use to.

I don't know what is going on, but I'm annoyed with myself and annoyed at him. I'm a mixed bag of emotions.

He got a new house to create new fond memories, so far. These memories aren't exactly fond.

"Talk to me Lorena?!" Zayn scowls as I grab my giant shirt from under my pillow. 

I change into it quickly while kicking away the clothes I had just taken off and slipping into bed as Zayn continues to wait for something to come out of my mouth.

"Can we just go to bed?" I murmur quietly.

Zayn sighs. "Lorena-"

"Just let me sleep." I scowl as I look up at him. I don't realise it, but my eyes start to tear up.

Why am I crying?!

Maybe because he doesn't love you. 

I sigh and cuddle up in the duvet as zayn walks over to my side and sits on the bed, causing the bed to dip and for me to curl even more up in a ball.