Life is unfair, that is just how it is. I have come to terms with it and I have grown to understand that-no I was forced to understand this.
If you think it could not get any worse, wait until you find out you're in this hell hole all alone. . .all by yourself.
Like everyone else I have done a few things that I regret, unforgivable things.
I'm not even religious but to whatever or whoever watched over us. . .I prayed that night.
I prayed for help. . . I prayed for forgiveness.
The pain I was feeling was unbearable: emotionally and physically.
I only had one thought on my mind, I am done.
I am finished.
This is it.
I heard my phone ringing and I answered it.
"Hello?" I said, trying my best to mask the pain in my voice.
"Are you ok? What-wah dat yah text mi 'bout?"
I tried to render a response but the words would not-no they could not leave my mouth.
I couldn't allow them to.
I felt like I failed him.
I am sorry beyond explanation. I didn't think this through at all, maybe I was a selfish person after all, or maybe I am just like them.
"Ke'Brianna," he pleads when I don't reply.
"I'm sorry. . ." I manage to wheeze out in between sobs.
"Wah yuh do?"
"I- I took all of them. . ."
I did not have to say anything more, he would know what I am talking about.
"Fuck I'm almost there, just hold on. . .please just hold on."
A couple of minutes later, the door to my room swings open and the last thing I can recall from that night is me in his arms; before it, all went dark, before I allowed the void to swallow me not knowing if it would ever spit me back out.
I saw a tear fall from his eye and it was only then I realized what I had done because in all my 17 years on earth nothing broke me more than seeing him cry for the first time, knowing it would probably be the last thing I would see.
In life, we all have our bad days (although bad would be an understatement for a situation like my own) and it doesn't matter if you have it all or have nothing at all, because in the end we're all humans and as humans we are driven by two instincts: one of life and that of death.
This primary trait of ours, either make or break us in the end.
This alone dictates how we make our way through the battle-through the world.
Some of us will see it through, some will be victorious, others would have given up and some would have already perished before they got a taste of what life really is, I consider that lot lucky, blessed even; because whatever this is. . .I no longer want to take part.
But unfortunately, I was already pushed onto the battlefield without any armor, without any knowledge, and all I have to survive is, "you are here for a reason."
On our bad days we all have something-or if you're lucky enough-someone that helps us see it through.
If I had to choose whom-or what I loved most in this world- Methylenedioxymethamphetamine would definitely make the list even after the pain it caused me, because in all honesty, what is love without pain?
And who am I? That's a question I'm yet to answer myself. But in the end even if it was far too late, we would have known.
This is my story.
Sincerely yours,
Ke'Brianna Flores.
♡
Coming soon
