Jenny From Third Period

Chapter 1 Emotional Affair

Jenny and I had third period together this year. I gasped a little when the schedules came out, my cheeks raised, and my eyes bulged from impulse. As the sound slipped out of my lips hundreds of scenarios that could occur throughout the semester rushed around my mind. I remember feeling light headed as my head spun.

I thought about asking to borrow her lip balm, then immediately shut it down. Though it was far too tempting to smother her signature cherry lipstick on my mouth, touch what was on her lips to mine, they could never be as supple as hers. Maybe I should stick to asking to borrow a pencil, or something else less intimate. The thought of glancing over at her and then realizing she was already looking my way, sends my already spinning head into orbit.

I can't sit here and marvel over my fantasies and let myself crush over this girl. I mean she's a girl. But if it's so far-fetched why do I feel that I cannot invite myself to come so close to her lips? May I pass a point of no return? One where my silly dreams could dive into reality. A point where my "girl crush" may grow to something more...nah I'm straight.

I need to get her out of my head.

School was where I could focus on my learning and escape away from my guilt derived from my desire to pursue her. Not that I actually would ever go beyond becoming closer friends. I mean I'm straight, the idea of her is all I'm hung up on. I don't want to date her I don't even want to be her. She's just nice to imagine that's all. It's hard not to observe her every move; they're all so purposeful, so powerful. They make me want to be observed by her. I wonder what I look like from her point of view. Does she feel my energy from across a room? Do my class replies seem as brilliant to her, as hers do to me? Can she tell just by one interaction if something's off with me? Okay! I can't say I haven't thought about her, everything about her, but it needs to stop now. I need to keep my grades up and complete all my work so I can spend my spare time distracting myself f- I mean - hanging out with my boyfriend.

My mom has learned to trust me and Jay, or at least give us more privacy over the years. When we first started dating she wouldn't even let me go to his house. We mostly spent our time playing my brother Ashton's ZBIN gaming console in my living room. Occasionally we would play basketball in my yard outside if it wasn't too cold. I hung out with all three of the friend groups he rotated through during freshman year. His friends loved me, even the old ones too. I wouldn't like to say were popular, but the whole school knows me because of him.

We have been together for two years and... eight months now. I'm allowed to go to his house all the time after school, as long as my homework is done and I usually have dinner there too. I love Jay he's practical. He cares about me and I like the way he looks. And of course I care about him too, but he almost always leaves my feeling like I'm asking for too much, or makes me feel like I'm hard to love.

I can't help but wonder if my day dreams about Jenny are interfering with my feelings. Why does my brain think that she would know how to love me right, every detail, and every flaw. She's a girl. I don't think it's my brain's fault though, I mean she's smarter than this. Why would she throw these feelings at me out of nowhere? Is she trying to mess up my perfect life? For this instance my heart may be to blame.

"Anna!" my mom hollered up the stairs. "Did you finish all of the cereal?" Great, I get no breakfast and I get to feel the wrath of hangry Gwen on the car ride to school. Happy grade 11 to me!

"No mom it was probably Ashton and his friends!" I yelled back down at her.

Thank god the seats next to her were taken when I walked through the door otherwise I wouldn't have been able to resist sitting in close enough range to smell her fruitilicious shampoo. I took my seat to the left of her, two rows back.

It's going to be an interesting year.