Knocking on Heaven's Door | 𝐒𝐀𝐌 𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑

9 - RUINATIONS

It wasn't for lack of trying. She'd gone to her classes, spent time with Sam and Summer, and sometimes she even found herself buried in books that she hadn't been able to touch only weeks before. Yet, she couldn't find the embrace of emotion. There was no rush of excitement when she spent the last of her paycheck on a new Joan Didion novel, no anxiety pounding on her heart when she procrastinated an assignment. Not even a fluttering anticipation when she planned her next lunch date with Sam. She'd left her mourning to embrace a shadow-faced nothingness.

And it was all because of the leech nested in the back of her mind. No distraction could make her forget it. So, she could do nothing but place her toes in her own footsteps - ones she'd laid with every hour of her past, molding a routine of motions that she could know in her sleep - the leech sucking at her lifeblood all the while.

Now, the leech had stolen pre-date excitement from her. It was supposed to be a casual date. Sam and Derek were coming over to the apartment that Bellona and Summer shared, and they were all going to order takeout and watch a few movies. She knew she should be exhilarated. She knew she should be getting ready, just as Summer was. She just couldn't.

"I don't know what to wear." Bellona tugged at the bottom of her shirt. It was beginning to fray, so she played with some of the strands.

Summer's face was instantly exuberant, elation radiating from every feature. Without having to exchange a single word, Bellona already knew what the strings of thought trailing its way through the other girl's mind would contain. She allowed herself a slight smile. "Yes, you can pick out an outfit for me." A slight pause ensued, and then she shouted an afterthought. "But nothing too crazy!"

It took mere seconds for Summer to leap to her feet and make her way to Bellona's closet, and mere seconds more for her to return with a pile of clothing in hand. She laid it out on their diminutive coffee table: low rise blue jeans with white embroidery on the pockets, and a tight-fitting white tank top. The top pictured a sketch of a fairy sitting atop a flower. It was odd, yes, but one of her favorite shirts to wear.

"You don't think it's too casual?" Bellona asked, knowing she didn't have the energy to care, even if it was.

Summer shook her head ardently. "No. Just the right amount."

Bellona remained still for a few seconds, scrutinizing the outfit that lay before her. It was much better than the clothes she was wearing then, and it was her favorite shirt. She grabbed the garments and walked to the bathroom to change.

She hadn't thought she'd been in there for long - it had to have been five minutes at the most, by the time she finished pulling her unruly hair back into a low ponytail. And yet, when she cracked the door open to exit, there they were: Sam and Derek. Derek lounged on the couch next to Summer as if he'd been there all along, and Sam remained by the door as if he was still deciding whether or not he wanted to enter.

Bellona opened the door to the bathroom wider, and his disposition shifted. A spark flickered in his eyes, as if someone had struck a match against the emerald glow of his eyes. As if they needed to be brightened. Sam's eyes shone fiercer than any Bellona had ever seen, whether his heart desired a ferocity or his habitual gentleness. They didn't need help with illuminating the room around him, yet it appeared her entrance had helped him nonetheless.

"Hey." Sam grinned. His sneakers scuffed across the tile as he took a few steps forward.

Bellona's lips parted to answer, but before she could voice a response, Summer interrupted. "I was just telling him about your Harry Potter shrine."

Bellona's cheeks flushed. She knew Summer meant well. The words had left the girl's mouth in an excited flurry, likely in an attempt to be a good friend to Bellona by building conversation with Sam, but to refer to her collection as a shrine? It was little short of humiliating.