Mrs. Aird (Belivaird) (Book 2)

Chapter 12: Lost happiness

"Carol, you have to eat something," I shook my head and pushed the plate away. "Carol, please. You have to feed yourself and the baby. Think about that!"

I looked up at Richard as he was demanding for me to eat but I didn't respond. He sighed and sat down next to me, "Carol, listen," I looked at him. "I know what you're going through. We're all going through it, so you're not alone. But damn it, stop doing this to yourself!"

I quickly stood up and stared at him. "I don't give a damn! I don't care about anything anymore! I want Terry! I want her back!" I cried into my hands and I felt Richard pull me to him but I pulled back and looked at him. "I loved her," I felt tears roll down my cheeks. "I fucking loved her,"

He stared at me, "You think I didn't? She was my best friend, Carol! But there's nothing that we can do! You have to face reality!"

"No! I'm not giving up my love for her! I won't do it!" I shouted at him as he stared at me.

He grabbed my arms and made me look at him, "Carol. You have to let go. I know it's hard, because it's hard for me too, but you have to let go," I saw tears roll down his cheeks.

I broke down crying for the hundredth time today. I never get a break from crying because half of my heart is gone and that's all I really know what to do now; is cry.

It's been a day since we left the hospital. Everyone was a mess when they left and we all seemed to not want to talk about it. But, I needed something to help myself cope and the only way to do that is to talk about Terry. Talk about her like she's still here with us and she's not gone.

I lost the love of my life.

I lost everything.

When we left the hospital, the doctor tried to talk to me but I refused. I didn't want to hear what he had to say because I've heard enough as it was.

Nobody wanted me to be by myself, so Richard offered to stay with me until I was ok again. But that's the thing; I won't ever be ok. I'm never going to wake up with a smile on my face or the feeling of being happy pulsing through my veins.

There's nothing about my life that is happy anymore.

The only thing that is half keeping me going is the baby. I can't imagine what would happen if I lost it too. I couldn't deal with the pain. I haven't exactly been treating myself right the last day and it hurts.

Everything hurts.

"Carol," Richard stared in my eyes. "Please eat," he begged as I could see his eyes begging also.

I nodded and sat down. I decided to try and eat something, but I wasn't doing any better if I wasn't eating. I had to think about myself and the baby before anything else.

As I was eating, I heard the doorbell and Richard excused himself as he walked out of the kitchen. I was left with my thoughts and I wanted to cry, but I tried to hold back the tears.

I hated this. I hated this gut pulling feeling, like my stomach is in knots and my heart aches. It aches so damn bad that I can't breathe sometimes.

I heard noises coming from the hall and when I looked up, I saw Billy walk in with Richard behind him. He came to the table and stood across from me and slightly smile, "Hi,"

I nodded and choked out a response, "Hi," I looked back down at my food and instantly felt sick. I pushed the plate away and sighed.

"Um, how are you doing?" I looked up and met Billy's eyes as he was staring at me. I shrugged but didn't say anything. I watched as he sat down and looked at me, "I understand," he sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I woke up this morning thinking about what happened, and at first I thought it was a dream but then reality hit me and I sat in bed replaying what happened and I couldn't bring myself to realise that it was real," he stared down at the table. "I miss her,"