Disorientation

Chapter Fifteen

"Nothing happened." He answered.

"Are you lying?"

"I have no reason to lie, lying gets you nowhere." I nodded.

"How did you know where I was?"

"I always know. I have a 6th sense." I rested my hand on his wound and touched it gently, he didn't even flinch, he just lay there.

"What did the examiner say?"

"Nothing’s wrong with the wound, so I should be out by Tuesday the latest." I smiled.

"I'm just glad you’re okay." He looked ahead.

"I saw them there, surrounding you.. I could only react quick enough just to make sure you wasn't hurt. Life doesn't even seem worthwhile, every time someone just fucks you over," he slowly looked at me, "but I don't know what I'd do with you gone. All I could think about was you being hurt; I didn't wanna take that chance." My chest felt numb.. I felt numb. I didn't even know what to say or how to react. I just nodded and looked down at my lap.

"I just feel so guilty," he shook his head.

"Don't," he replied. I sighed.

"I can't help it.. I care about you, and I wouldn't want you injured. It makes me feel bad when you put your life on the line for me." He stared me out, and for the first time I didn't look away, I wanted our eye contact to be strong, I wanted him to know exactly how I felt.

"Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?" He asked quietly. I shook my head.

"No, I don't. I shouldn't mean so much to you, after what I've done to you in the past."

"I know. Like I said I'm a prick to still love you, but I do, and nothing can change that." I shut up after that, no use arguing right now in a hospital ward. I just wish he could understand that my life isn't worth value, and he shouldn't be throwing himself in front of me when he has so much more to offer. What do I have though? Memory sure isn't one of them. He cracked his knuckles and kissed his teeth.

"Can't wait to get out of here," I scratched my arm nervously.

"You'll be out soon."

"I know," He watched me again, "you alright though?" I shrugged.

"Apart from the guilt and shame, yeah." He shook his head and decided to ignore me. Silence clouded over us once again, and I was actually lost for words, which was normal. I just couldn't help but feel this way, and it's a horrible feeling that I hope to never have again. He sat there looking at his knuckles, which were now beginning to heal.

"What would you do if you didn't... get to me in time?" I asked cautiously. He didn't even look at me, not once. Instead he continued to peer at his cut knuckles with no emotion displayed on his face.

"I'd blame myself," He finally said after a while, "for not getting to you in time.. then I'd do something that I'd regret." I leaned closer slightly.

"And what's that?" I asked.

"I don't know... I don't even care." He said with a simple shrug, "I just wanted you safe." I smiled a little.

He really does care about me.

And soon, I'm gonna return the favour.

A few days later it was Thursday and I was at Armani's house. Her mum had gone away for a couple weeks to visit her parents in Barbados. I wish I could do that, just up and leave, and travel to another country. Anything was better than here, living this life. Taylor was here too, sat on the bed browsing through Armani's laptop, as Armani remained with her eyes glued to her BlackBerry. It's been a while since we've seen Taylor, and to this day none of us knew why. Lately she had been very secretive and more anti-social. Not even a single call or text, unless we got to her first. But we've decided to not bring it up, in case it escalates into a big issue.