No Name Trilogy, Book I: No Name

Chapter 19 - Caught

I managed too easily to return to my room, that night. The girl at the desk was absent when I went through the foyer; the laser X was still turned off (I restarted it after I went past it again); nobody caught me as I moved through those hallways. Perhaps I should have been uneasy about it, but I felt only grateful. I slipped back into my bed and tried to sleep, but all I did was drift in and out of cat naps for the remainder of the night, my adrenaline riding high from all that had happened and thoughts of what Slim might be able to do for me.

Wakefulness came with a soft, birdsong-y alarm. The lights had risen to a golden glow, and the other girls were rousing themselves. I could only assume it was morning, as there was no natural light, here, and when the television turned on, a clock in the corner confirmed that it was eight AM. While the others brushed teeth and dressed, I tried to ask them questions about their day, what the schedule was, but they didn't feel inclined to talk much. I did find that apparently, unlike dinner, breakfast and lunch were in a cafeteria of sorts, and although I didn't really feel like being around other people, I did realize that every opportunity to leave the room was an opportunity to find out more about Henry. So I was disappointed when Pilar came in, gave some instructions about the day to the girls, and then told me I was to stay in the room the whole time. She said someone would bring me food; I could watch the television.

I didn't fight with her. I had to lay low until that night. As she left, I wondered where Pilar had been amongst all those people last night. I hadn't seen her, which had been lucky. Maybe she'd been in the locker room, or in the other rooms. Maybe she'd taken someone up on their offer.

Ugh. I didn't want to think about that. I couldn't imagine living like they were living. I supposed that not everyone would've been the same. There were probably people who just wanted to actually hang out and then go to bed. But the whole vibe of the place had been off, and if what Slim had said was accurate (and I was sure it was), all those people had basically become hostage to whatever drug the Circuit was giving them. The girl at the desk--her exploding-head gesture when she'd mentioned missing her raion made sense, now. If they didn't get their drug, they probably had withdrawal symptoms. The Circuit didn't tell them what they were taking when they were younger, so by the time they moved up, they were already well addicted. I wondered, too, at what Slim had said about the Circuit not allowing the recruits to end up in prison. That red-haired woman had said their recruits never went to Oliphant. So if they didn't go to prison and they didn't go to Oliphant, where did these people go when they screwed up? Because there was no way they did everything perfectly. Something Mr. Mallinkrodt had said rang in my ears: "Consider this your only second chance." Were all positions terminated, when they messed up? I had a sickening feeling I knew the answer.

But I wouldn't fall prey to this Circuit, and I couldn't let Henry, either. We were obviously involved with it in some way--they'd placed us in Oliphant and were for some reason trying to manipulate us now. But I was suspicious about whether we'd actually been recruits at the Circuit, prior to losing our memories. It was all so confusing.

I just wanted Henry with me; he'd be able to figure it out. I was no good at thinking this way, at putting puzzles together. And I wasn't sure I had the stamina to keep going if too much held me back.

Pilar's word was good--someone came with a breakfast tray for me. But I wasn't hungry, and I didn't eat it. In fact, I sat in that room for about an hour, bored to tears, anxiety about that night clawing at my insides. I wasn't sure I could pass a whole day in there without losing it. But then there came a knock on the door. It couldn't have been Pilar or someone collecting my tray; they didn't knock. They just barged in without warning. And this knock sounded furtive, as if someone were not too sure they'd picked the right door.