The Autumn Prince

59. Fear and Wonder

I wouldn't have answered if anyone but Amy had asked. Buried memories bubbled to the surface like molten metal. I could clearly see the sweat on Gloria's skin, blood running down her arms as she thrashed against the chains, her inhuman cries echoing off the walls. That was the moment I nearly surrendered to the blackness.

"Lights." I said simply. "Music. The smell of flowers." I recognized Katherine's stubborn loyalty in the memory. Rachel's stoicism. Becca's wonder.

"The people who love you," Amy said. I answered with a quick nod. "So, you weren't really alone."

"I still don't see how that helps. I've never devoured anyone," I said, putting the word in air-quotes, "and I'm not about to start." I didn't count Gloria. I couldn't.

Amy shrugged, "But you're plugged into a live wire. Think about it. The devotion of the people he consumes is ultimately selfish. They're chemically infatuated, and their focus is on their own pleasure. It limits him."

"So?"

"Tom, you're smarter than this. You've never once given these girls the chance to need you. Their devotion isn't built on addiction, it's honest and alive. Electric. I see it every day."

I shook my head. They all fought to convince me that they acted without compulsion, but that could never be completely true, even if I agreed with them on principle. They were constantly influenced by unnatural lust and affection, and so was I. How real could it be?

"Why do you think so many vampire stories involve seduction?" Amy asked.

"I have no idea."

"Because they're after more than just blood. A dead will isn't any different than a rock or a tree. but a living one can shape the destiny of an entire world. That's the power they're really after. Your dad uses other people like tools, something he can control, but when you give all of yourself to someone who loves you unconditionally, nothing is impossible."

I leaned back in my seat, "You make it sound nice, but I don't know how that will stop him from tearing me to pieces."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. Everyone here believes in you. So does Finn."

"Finn? What does she have to do with it?"

"Who do you think fed me all that bullshit?" she snickered, "I didn't come up with it on my own."

"Wait, you were put up to this?"

"Don't get me wrong," she said defensively, "I meant every word. Just because I had a script doesn't mean I don't agree with it."

"You said it was bullshit."

"Tom, a lot of what's real and true is bullshit. Meg refracted the planck constant. That's serious, grade-A, cut-and-polished bullshit, but here we are, sitting under lights powered by fairy magic. It comes down to the people you put your faith in."

"And you have faith in Meg."

"And Finn," she smiled. "She seemed to know how you'd be feeling and talked me through what to say instead of calling you back. She didn't think you'd listen to her."

"She's probably right," I admitted with a sigh.

Amy's smile widened. "She usually is, even when it doesn't make sense. If she thinks you've got a handle on this, you probably do, whether you realize it now or not."

The girls kept to themselves for most of the morning and I spent my time walking in circles through the ballroom garden. Amy had given me a lot to think about, especially my opinion of Finn. She struck me as someone with a hidden agenda, but my inability to understand or appreciate her motives didn't make them automatically malicious. Her mischief hadn't even been that bad if I didn't count being electrocuted twice by a ripple in the multiverse.