Untangling Strings

Chapter Nine

My body's out of air. Every piece of my being seemed to be shattered all at once. A voice inside my head won't shut up, it persists on telling me how gracefully I failed, and how my life has been a walk in the park of rough roads, and instead of picking flowers, this uncontrollable hand of mine keeps on choosing thorns; and that I always stumble on muddy soil. Why can't I walk straight and steady like everyone else?

I grabbed a glass of water, trying to calm myself.

You've been through worse, Hope. C'mon, this is just another 'you're fired' scene. You've seen this before. It won't hurt you now. It should not. But it does. More than the previous ones. I got betrayed by someone who I thought to be an ally and then all of a sudden turned out to be a nemesis. I was a fool who has been fooled for the nth time. What could be better than this?

I still couldn't get to straighten my mind on what I should do.

Gab. I am home which means I have Gab. He'll help me.

I texted him, "Hey, can we grab a drink later? My treat :)"

"I wanted to, but got plans with Ave."

That woman still stands in my way until now. Enjoy your date, people! Just so you know, I've managed without having anyone for almost four years. And I still can.

So, what's the plan? I gotta slap myself with the truth that here goes... nothing.

I ran to my room and locked myself in there. And without a warning, my tears just fell on my cheeks. I tried to stop but I couldn't hold myself back. My heart aches like hell, it's heavy and I cannot seem to carry it anymore. Then I heard the door downstairs closed. Someone's home.

I silenced myself. I held my mouth but my tears won't stop, my shoulders were shaking, and I was hardly catching air. I curled myself on the bed, grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly as if it is the only ally I have... it's all I have. All these years, I never wanted to admit the fact that I pity myself more than a stray cat on the street. And now I am drowning on my own denials.

There's a knock on my door, "Hey, Hopie."

My answer was silence.

"Are you really asleep at this hour?"

Now I get to somehow think straight. He's not supposed to be home and should be with his wife. Out. Having the time of their life.

"C'mon, open up. I know you're wide awake. Don't be stubborn."

Even though a door stands between us, I know he can feel something bad is going on. Just because that's how he always is.

I hear footsteps receding. I feel quite relieved. Gab is the least I wanted to deal with.

My head was buried on the mattress and covered with a blanket. I froze the moment I heard my door crack open. Shit. I forgot to take the keys with me. Idiot.

It's Gab. He sat on the edge of my bed, then let out a heavy sigh. "Why?"

You are not hearing anything from me, and I am not sorry.

"You know I will be able to understand you if you talk."

That's the point, brother. I am not to make you or everyone else understand what I am going through, because you never will.

"Get up," his voice is stronger. "Get up, Hope Casandra!"

I was a bit frightened of the tone he just used but it made me bury my head more. I am a complete fool, as if I can dig this mattress. I swallowed hard, "Go away."

"Not a chance. Get up. We are going to talk."

"Why do you always want things your way? I said go away. Leave me alone. I don't need you." Where did I get the courage to say those?

"Is that what Phillis made you? A brat."

Okay, I've had enough of Gabriel's 'I-know-everything' shit. I got up without even fixing myself, "You are so full of yourself, talking like you know everything. But you know what? You don't. So stop trying to dip into my life!"

He was shocked. He was staring at my face –red and puffy eyes, pinkish nose, and overall a complete mess. For the first time, he was out of words.

"What now, Gabriel? I thought you wanted to talk. Can't believe this mess?" I pointed to my face.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I..."

"You what?" I cut him. "You always think of yourself as a know-it-all, but I'm breaking it to you. Don't be sorry, it's not your fault and it's none of your business. Now, get out!"

"Why do you keep pushing people away?!" Wow, now he's shouting after the calm sorry face.

"Because I don't need you. I don't need you standing in front of my face with success on your forehead!" Does he think because he's older I can't shout back at him? Of course, I can, after all, he called me a brat.

"Don't you say that! I told you I'll help you figure this out."

"Yeah, easy for you to say because you were never me! You never got fired, never got rejected... Oh, you were never kicked out of job during a fucking month-long vacation just because your workmate played two-faced, and you were never a good-for-nothing. You never messed things up, never failed. Never! Everything you do is smoothly polished."

"Oh, so you thought I had the best life, huh? You have no idea of my struggles, Casandra!" He rarely calls me by my second name, only when he is completely mad. "I'm your brother. Whether you like it or not, I got you covered. I made a promise."

"That promise was long dead," I turned my back on him.

"What?!" He grabbed my arm, "What are you talking about? I strived so hard just to be able to keep it."

I shove off his hand, "Oh! Then stop 'striving so hard'. You're just my brother because we are blood related, but you don't have to play superhero anymore and I am not on your responsibility list. Then stop trying so hard to act like you care."

"Where the hell is this all coming from? I have always been there for you. If not because of me, you would've been stuck in that city until now living like a mouse in a hole."

I heard a gasp. "Who's that?" I hold my breath. It cannot be my parents. They cannot learn about my life this way.

"Avery," Gab murmured.

"Really? Avery?" I scoffed. "This is amazing, Gabriel. You brought an audience? Wow! You are... impossible!"

"I did not plan for her to hear this argument."

"Oh, should I believe you? C'mon out Avery, I know you are dying to see how much of a mess I am. You'll feel so good to see me." Why is that woman not responding nor coming in, she's getting on my nerves. I lost my self-control. "Now, you get in here, woman! You had the confidence to eavesdrop but you can't show your face? Why the hell's that?"

"Hey, language." Yeah, there goes the protective husband.

"Come on in here, Avery. So, you and my brother can be a team against me. This would be fun, just like the old days when you enjoyed yourself in situations of me versus you, and my brother would always take your side."

"Hope, you have the problem, don't throw the ball on Avery."

"Oh, there's your ever-perfect-always-winning wife." I can't believe the audacity of this woman to confidently walk in my room, standing tall as if she's done nothing wrong.

"Stop, Casandra! This is not funny."

"Who says this is fun?" I pointed to Avery, "She does."

"No, I don't," Avery said in her defensive manner. Best actress bitch.

Gabriel turned into a human form shield, "Stop throwing the ball to my wife. She's done nothing to you. You are the problem here." He threw my room key in the bed, turned his back on me, and they both took an exit; he even banged my door closed.

I am the problem. That shit struck me to my core.