Untangling Strings

Chapter Two

"Is this what I really want?"

"Why did I ever dream of this?"

"Is it too late to go back to where I used to be?"

I keep torturing myself with these questions as I hardly swallow my sandwich.

Can I edit my life? C'mon! Your life isn't a series of words typed into a computer screen. There's no Backspace in life, only looking back to the good old times.

I know this is my choice, no one forced me. But... Why did it turn me into a hopeless Hope?

I shift my gaze to my favorite stall. Oh, Strawberry Smoothie... my only comfort in my own little chaotic world. But right now, I don't deserve you. I haven't been an excellent human being for the past few weeks. If I won't be losing my sanity at the end of this week, I'll have you. I want to have you badly, just as much as I want my life and dreams to come together.

Five years ago, I was so certain of what I wanted to be and where to bring my dreams into life. My family has always been so supportive of me, having the advantage of being the youngest member. But the moment I spoke about leaving our town and chasing my dreams in the big city, they were quite uncertain that it was a good decision of mine to make.

"Mom, Dad, please. Just let me take myself into a whole new adventure. I didn't say it will be easy-peasy but at least I gotta try, right? This is my dream. Please?" I hope my puppy eyes will do the trick.

Everyone in the room was quiet and just staring at me with the same question on their faces, 'You sure?' I shift my gaze to my brother, "Gab, I hope you got my back on this?"

Dr. Gabriel Anton Bardell, everyone. The town's almost-perfect-looking Physician whose pockets are full of kindness, always looking sharp and just gorgeous in every aspect that goes well with his six two and a half feet height, and a smile everyone dies to see that the whole town doubts he's my brother... or the other way around, that I'm his one and only sibling.

"You know I'm always on your side, Hopie. But this is huge. I can't even find the right words to say."

"Yeah, you got that 'huge' word right", followed by Dad.

"Well, I guess our baby's not a baby anymore. We can't keep her here and cradle her forever." Oh, mom. You just triggered my tear duct, but I can't be a drama queen and ruin my show. She reached for me and gave that hug –the kind that always comforts.

"The kitchen is calling me, the Blueberry Pie awaits. You boys gather yourself up, this is the time I told you about."

I am confused. Time? What time? They did a family talk without me? I am still at home but being treated as an outsider already. Great.

Gab walked towards me and gave a hug, then whispered "The time we all had to let you go so you can grow to the woman you ought to be. You do know how much we love you."

Gabriel was my own kind of superhero since we were little, not until he tied the knot with Avery. The night before their wedding, mom told me a story that she thought could assure me that the sibling bond Gab and I have will never be lost. Mom did a little storytelling about how excited Gabriel was when he found out that she was pregnant with me, that he always talks to mom's belly and promised that we will be the best of friends and he will be my protector as long as he lives. And he was. Well, maybe he still is but not in the way I see it. I am not a hundred percent fond of Avery, and I had a hard time coping with the change she brought into our lives, until I, the one who hates changes the most, had to make the biggest change in the family.

Gab followed mom to the kitchen, and I was left in the living room that has an as-if-someone-just-died aura, with dad.

"Dad, c'mon, what's with that face? It's not that you'll never see me ever again."

"I guess your mom's right," his teary eyes got me.

"Nathaniel, cut the drama. We could visit her anytime we want, but the pie cannot wait." There she is, the woman of the house intruding the father and daughter moment because of a pie that we all love to devour. 

My taste buds long for the dancing flavor of mom's Blueberry Pie. And as I took a bite, the Ham Sandwich did disappoint.

"Hope! Ready for the meeting with Barbara?"

Damn it.