Untangling Strings

Chapter Three

After the shameful encounter with Barbara this morning, I couldn't gasp enough oxygen to keep my spirit alive for our meeting. I feel like every internal organ in my body is shaking to death, and I am trying to get a hold of my mind that seems to be a balloon trying to fly so high where Barbara wouldn't be able to reach me, but I have to think of the exact right words that would please her to at least make up for the morning situation.

I hear a clatter that sounds like a death march to my ears. The door opened.

"Oh, what a surprise. You're early." Barbara clearly doesn't sound surprised.

"Hi, Barbara! I really am sorry for what happened earlier. How could I make up for it?"

I cannot fathom what's inside her head, she seems irritated but kind of cool, yet one mistake and she'll never think twice of strangling my career with her own hands. If I could just crack her head open it'll be way easier.

"A month of vacation."

I stammered. Crap! It's just one word and I am struggling. "What?" There you go.

Barbara stared at me like I am a complete idiot with a speech disorder.

"I do understand what you said, it's clear... crystal clear. Is it a vacation-vacation or a permanent vacation?" What would I do if I get fired? Cry my eyes out? Find another job and start back at zero, I barely made it to point five; or crawl back home and admit that my family's right that I should have not left? My brain cells are all over the place, competing against each other and showing off how capable they are of overthinking.

"We're given a Go signal by the board to proceed with our proposed project, and you are well-aware that Trudy's part of putting up ideas for that project. I assume it will be alright for you if we let her finish what she started. Hmm?"

"Of course... yes, of course. She deserves to witness that project come into life."

"Then I'll be seeing you next month."

Why do I feel like I froze? I cannot bring myself to stand up and leave.

Barbara's now facing her computer, totally ignoring my presence, "Is there anything you want to talk about, Holly?"

"Oh, my name's Hope."

That Barbara laser eyes are striking me again. I just corrected her. Is she always right? "I'll be off then. Thanks, Barbara."

My life has been full of surprises which are not to be celebrated but to be mourned. Isn't it nice to have something to gulp while watching my life fall into pieces? Strawberry Smoothie.

For exactly three years and ten months, I was so caught up in pulling my life together here at Phillis. My first month was the adjusting period which was so much of a struggle. Then, I kept on stumbling in life, which I thought was still part of the adjustment period, until I found myself being here for almost four years and yet nothing good has happened –maybe it could pass as a valid reason for avoiding family video calls that led to being 'detached'... I think. Well, in the first place, what would I say on the timeless question "How are you?" The truths screaming in my head waiting to be acknowledged one by one: First, I didn't get the first job that called me because they said I lack the character they need, then I failed an interview because I don't fit. Oh, I lost my first job after a couple of months because my boss said someone's better than me. And I used to date someone who told me I was one in a million but didn't show up on the second date. I also moved into a smaller apartment because I'm having a tight financial situation over here. The promotion I have been longing for has a hundred and one percent chance of not gonna happen. Lastly, everything about my life is a complete mess. I managed to cover all of these with a two-word response "I'm alright." There's no easy way, so I distanced myself from the repetitive question –building an interspace between me and my family.

As I gather myself to leave the office building, a phone call has shaken my hair strand-sized sanity.  

"Hey, how's my baby sis? Oh! I forgot, you're not a baby anymore."

He really has his way of annoying me. I rolled my eyes as if Gab could see it over a phone call. "I'm fine, what's up?

"I thought you wouldn't answer my call, or you'll say 'Hey, I'm busy right now, call ya later'."

"Okay, stop mocking me Gabriel. What can I do for you?"

"Well, that's a first. You can show yourself at the restaurant across from your office building, would you?"

"And why would I go to a restaurant across from my office building?" I hope I got this all wrong.

"Just get in here. I'll see you."

Oh, my life. I wish I could just disappear into thin air. I haven't told anyone and I am not planning to, especially my family, about the month-long vacation because who gets to have that? I am supposed to be buried at work just like everybody else. Actually, I haven't told my family anything about me because I keep on blabbing "Oh, you know stuff, this and that, the usual, nothing to talk about in specific." And now, my brother's here and I have no idea why he's even here, and how long, and who else is with him. Gotta prepare for the worst.

My stilettos are shaking as I get near the restaurant's door. I feel like I'm going to fall any second, I should've worn flats, but it still doesn't even have any power to calm me down in this nerve wracking circumstance.

"Hi. Do you happen to have a reservation?"

No, lady. I don't, and I haven't made a single reservation at this place. I don't even know how much a glass of water is worth here. "Gabriel Bardell," I responded.

There he is. I wanted to cry and throw myself at him. He looks the same guy everyone loves to look at, which I am very used to. But more than that, he looks like home –a breathing piece of Old Pines and a Bardell.

"Hey. There you are." I caught myself within the comforting hug of my brother. I wonder if he felt how heavy my heart is.

"This is a surprise." I distanced myself, and managed to compose something good to say.

"Yeah, I had a two-day convention and I thought I'd stay a bit to surprise and see my baby sis."

I was left with nothing to say anymore. My tears are on the edge of falling, and it should not dare.

"Okay... so what's up? I must admit you look very different from the last time I saw you, which was what...ages ago?"

"Cut it out, Gab. I would like you to know it's working, okay? You're getting into my nerves already. Gosh, it's merely a minute sitting with you." What more for a month-long... if I'll be going home, I thought to myself.