Unveiling Self

Am I autistic???

The first time Rizzy ever heard about autism was when her cousin brother, Ethan, was diagnosed at the tender age of three. Most children were mastering words by the age of 1.5, but Ethan struggled even with the simplest of utterances. He became fixated on a single TV show, shutting out the world, and seldom acknowledged anyone beyond his parents.

Rizzy, then 15, watched her cousin's diagnosis with a mix of curiosity and concern. As she observed Ethan's unique journey, she couldn't help but question her own quirks. She had never been a social butterfly; idle chatter irritated her, and the only activity she truly relished was molding clay into beautiful, intricate pottery. Her parents, both artists, had a pottery studio at home. Rizzy's skill with her hands was undeniable, but was it a sign of something deeper?

For a while, Rizzy toyed with the idea of being on the autism spectrum. It seemed like a simple answer to her perceived oddness. However, she knew deep down that she wasn't autistic; her parents would have recognized it long ago. She was simply introverted to an extreme degree, and she relished in this self-proclaimed title. Throughout the next two years, she boldly announced her "autism" to her schoolmates, reveling in the unique attention it brought her.

At 17, Rizzy stumbled upon the word "introvert" in a psychology book. The term enchanted her, feeling like the perfect fit for her personality. She created an Instagram account, setting "Introvert 🌱" as her bio. She began sharing photos and videos of her pottery creations, drawing the admiration of fellow artists online. Friendships blossomed with individuals who shared her passion. Art meet-ups became a regular part of her life, filling it with friends and notifications that she had never known before.

But as she approached her 18th birthday, Rizzy's sense of identity continued to evolve. One night at a club, a spontaneous kiss with a girl named Mona stirred something within her. In the intoxication of the moment, she declared herself a lesbian and embarked on a passionate relationship with a girl she met on Instagram. It felt right at first, but six months into their beautiful relationship, Rizzy began to question her newfound identity.

One evening, while lying in bed beside her girlfriend, Rizzy contemplated the label she had hastily attached to herself. Was she truly a lesbian, or had she been searching for something else? She realized that her attraction to men had not disappeared; it had merely been overshadowed by a brief infatuation. Despite the heartache it would inevitably cause, Rizzy knew she had to be honest with herself and her girlfriend.

The decision weighed heavily on her, but Rizzy understood that her journey of self-discovery was far from over. She needed to find her true identity, one that would resonate with her heart and soul.