Personal Demons (third in Destiny Series)

4) Comfort

Raven was stunned. From the sounds of it, Beast Boy was wishing that he wasn't a Titan. That hurt her feelings.

She pushed her own feelings aside and processed what he had just told her. He felt that he was responsible for the death of his parents.

"That's why I hate my birthday," Beast Boy spat. "For fourteen years I had no family to celebrate with and it was my fault. I buried it in my mind, but when I saw what I would've looked like if the whole mess hadn't happened..."

Beast Boy put his head in his hands. "The memories just started to come flooding back." He spoke through sobs.

"Sometimes I just wish it all hadn't happened. That I was normal, and my parents were alive." Raven tried not to think about a life without Beast Boy in it. 

I mean look at me!" He bellowed. "I'm green!" Raven said nothing. She could understand that his emotions were wreaking havoc upon him.

"If I hadn't been stupid, I wouldn't be green, and I wouldn't be all alone!"

"You have a family Garfield," Raven reminded him softly.

"I killed my family!" Beast Boy was hysterical now. "Why couldn't I save my Mom? Why, Raven?"

"You didn't have control of your ability to morph," Raven replied.

"I watched her drown," Beast Boy sobbed. "Why couldn't I save her?" Raven said nothing. "If I had been normal..."

"You would've drowned," Raven repeated.

"You don't know that," Beast Boy shook his head. "I was flying above her and I knew I could save her. I knew I could, but I didn't."

"You think that if you had been normal you would have forgiven yourself for their deaths?" Raven asked.

"I was a child," Beast Boy rebuked. "A normal human child could not have rescued his mother. But a child capable of turning into animals? Why didn't I turn into a whale and save her? Why Raven?"

Raven placed the picture down, and wrapped her arms around him. Beast Boy broke down, and clutched her.

"I killed them!" He cried into her shoulder. "I killed them both." Raven rubbed his back. She could feel his hot tears against the cloth of her costume.

"I didn't mean to!" He sobbed. "But I killed them." Raven tried to soothe him. "I don't deserve to be a Titan." He choked out between sobs. "Not after killing my parents I don't."

Raven felt it was not necessary to remind him that she had destroyed the world. "What right do I have to these powers if I couldn't use them to save them?"

"You save people every day," Raven reminded him.

"Strangers," Beast Boy blubbered. "Not my family. Not the people who loved me." He sobbed into her shoulder.

"I don't want to be a Titan." He choked out.

"I just want to be normal. Normal teenagers don't have to worry about saving the world. Normal teenagers are worried about zits, and getting girlfriends or boyfriends. I want normal problems Raven."

Raven was pierced by his words.

"Most eighteen year old boys aren't still virgins." Beast Boy muttered.

'Told you that's what was bothering him,'  Rude scoffed.

'Did you not hear the part about his parents?'  Raven bellowed at the emotion. Rude shrugged and burped.

"I don't even have the chance to talk to any girls," Beast Boy continued. "Even if I did, I wouldn't be sure if they liked me for me, or because I'm a Titan. I mean what sort of normal girl would like a guy who's green?"

Raven realized she wasn't normal so she didn't count in his question. She felt extremely hurt by the whole thing.

"I'm tired of dealing with jokers like Mumbo, and Plasmas. I'm tired of it all Raven. I just want it to stop." Then he cried. Raven held him, rubbing his back.

He sobbed into her shoulder, his body heaving with grief. "Make it stop!" He begged. "Please. Make it stop!"

"Just cry," Raven suggested softly. "Just let it out. I'm not going to judge you." Beast Boy clutched her tightly, and broke. Raven felt her heart breaking as she listened to him sob.

He was almost screaming he was crying so violently. "I'm here." She murmured, running her fingers through his hair. "I'm here." Eventually his sobbing became less violent, just quiet crying. 

Eventually he pulled away from her. Tears were still running down his face."I'm sorry Raven," he voice was hoarse from his sobbing.

"I'm your friend," Raven replied. "That's what friends are for."

"Thank-you," Beast Boy choked out. "I've never told anyone any of this."

"You didn't want anyone to see you so vulnerable," Raven observed. Beast Boy nodded, quiet tears streaming from his bloodshot eyes. "Well thank-you for trusting me enough to tell me."

"All that junk about not wanting to be a Titan," Beast Boy whispered. "It's not really true. I just hate being a Titan at this time of year. I hate everything about being a Titan at this time of year." 

Raven was slightly relieved to hear this. "I am very grateful for my Titan family believe me." Beast Boy sniffed. "Without you, I don't know what I'd do."

Raven wondered if he meant the team, or her specifically. Raven touched his shoulder and moved to get up.

"You're leaving?" The panic in his voice startled her.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted to be alone or not," she admitted. Beast Boy grabbed her wrist.

"Please don't leave me here all alone," he begged.

"Alright," Raven agreed. She lifted the sheet up and lay down. Beast Boy lay down his his back to her. She could hear his soft weeping.

She moved closer, and wrapped her arms around his chest. She felt him take her hands in his.

"Thank-you Raven," she just barely heard his tiny voice.

"Anytime," Raven whispered in his ear. Beast Boy rolled over so that he was looking at her.

"I'm serious," he whispered. "Thank-you."

"You should sleep," Raven said. "You're exhausted." Beast Boy nodded, and rolled over so that his back was to her again. Raven moved up against him, and wrapped her arm around his chest. 

Beast Boy clasped her hands with his. "I'm here." She whispered to him. "I won't leave." Beast Boy turned to look at her over his shoulder.

"You promise?" his voice was small. She held him close, her body pressed against his back.

"I promise," she whispered. Beast Boy closed his eyes, content with her answer. Within a few minutes he was asleep. He snored softly.

Raven smiled and pressed her lips against his cheek lightly. "I promise." She whispered again. "I'll always be here for you."