NICKNAMES [1], jj maybank

CHAPTER 24

   This means he'll talk to us. The thing is even with the both of us being stubborn—we've been over shit quite quickly, neither one of us able to stay away for too long. I'm mad, I really am but I can never tell if it's at myself or JJ. It could've been avoided if I just took the clothes and the secret nickname and shut the fuck up. He's right next to us now and I see John B silently hyping himself up to say something.

"JJ, can you talk—to—us—"

He completely ignores all of us—not even just me, who is the one who actually deserves his silence as much as I hate it. He doesn't even give us a look back as he walks into the school.

   He ignores me—did I just lose my best friend over some clothes? "He's ridiculous," Pope throws his hands in the air and starts rambling but I can't think straight.

He hates you. You fucked up—your love that you cannot communicate, fucked everything up.

   I think this is my breaking point. I'm too self-aware and I hate it because I can feel my brain telling me to fucking lose it.

    "He hates me," I was hoping I was the only one who heard my own words but the quick turn around from John B and Pope destroys that hope. "Hey, no he doesn't. He's just being JJ. Let's get to class and let's see if he talks then," John B grabs my wrist gently but I tug away.

   I don't want to be in the same building as Kiara and JJ. "I'm going home." I set off down the sidewalk but the two followed me. "Sam, Sam. Don't go off the rails because of JJ. He needs time—"

"He hates me. I said some bad shit the other day—"

"So did JJ's dumbass, just come inside please," John B pleads with me. I really can't and I can't even tell them one of the reasons why. "If you need a break—take it. Just don't—do dangerous shit." Pope knows no matter, I was not going into the school. I smile at him appreciatively. "Pope—"

He disregards him,"Text us throughout the day." I hug Pope tightly. He's usually the one to yell at JJ and I but I think he can tell just how empty I feel right now. I hug John B too and wait a second for him to hug back. I squeeze him harder hoping he hugs back. John B sighs and hugs me with his head on mine,"Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"You act like you don't do illegal things." We let go of each other but John B forcefully opens my hand. What is he doing—

"You better come pick us up from his hell hole at the end of the day," John B drops the keys to the Twinkie in my hand. I try to hide my smile by looking down at the ground. "I won't crash her!" John B sends me a glare but the smile I was once trying to hide shows. It isn't a big smile—it's almost like the ghost of one. I've never driven the van alone oddly enough.

   I hadn't realized that till I'm putting the keys in the ignition. It starts up but so do the tears because of the building in front of me and who's in it. So many people that I hate that have hurt me and two people I love and absolutely hate that I do. I pull out of the parking lot.

I have no idea where to go—I didn't think I'd get the van. I was just going to walk to get food and think but I have the advantage of the van now.

   The only person I can think of is Blake—he's the only person not in school right now. Bailey is in school of course and so is Sarah. I should just text him and see what the hell he's up to. After Blake sat and talked that night on the beach I realized he doesn't even like Weston himself. Neither does Vanessa but they don't have another father figure to lean back on—I do. Their mom is cool but her Weston aren't together and never really were together.

"blake. u busy?"

   If I wait on his message it'll give me more anxiety so I just head to the gas station for snacks for myself and maybe Blake. I grab my usual snacks even if I'm not high.