Fight For Me

Chapter 7

"What's in there?" the other asks, pointing to the cart.

Gaius pauses. "A body. In my line of work, that's to be expected. I can't save everyone. I thought it best to remove the body from the castle."

The knights nod, before moving to the side to let them pass. Gwen lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"That was close," she whispers. "Lucky you're a physician."

Gaius chuckles. "Yes, I suppose so. I have excuses for carrying bodies around."

After a few minutes of walking, Gwen's arms and legs begin feeling unbearably stiff and achy. She wonders how on Earth she'll be able to ride a horse this sore.

They manage to get out unnoticed. Morgana is waiting with two horses.

"Sorry, I couldn't manage a third," she apologises.

They lug Merlin onto the back of one of the horses, again, covering him with the sack.

"We must hurry," Gaius urges. "We may not have long." He glances nervously at the body. He then proceeds to climb onto the horse in front of Merlin, as Morgana and Gwen mount the other horse. And then they ride out of Camelot, ignoring the knights standing guard, and just continuing on, unopposed.

***

Merlin feels stuck. Somewhere. He can't decipher where. He's just stuck.

One thing is clear: He almost killed Arthur. And he knew he was doing it. He was trying to stop it, somehow, but he had no idea what to do.

It's dark. Or is it? Is it light? Is it... anything? Is it nothing? He can't decide.

But it doesn't matter. Because he almost killed Arthur. He hurt Arthur, nearly to the point of no return. And that in itself hurts. It doesn't matter to him that he's stuck in this... nowhere place, seeing and hearing and sensing, but not really at all. It wasn't him. But it was. He felt it, he experienced it... but he wasn't in control. It was like him, his essence, his soul, was tucked away in the deepest part of his mind. Somewhere he couldn't make decisions. Somewhere he had no control. Somewhere he couldn't escape from. He tried... but what was he meant to do? How could he take back control? How could he get rid of Sigan?

He couldn't speak. All he could do was... cry. How useless. What was he meant to do with that? Even still, he couldn't stop himself violently sobbing in his mind. And he felt tears. His tears. Real. His own. Not Sigan's. Merlin's.

Hope.

What a dangerous thing.

What a cruel, cruel thing.

Even if you had no way out... you still held on to some sort of irrational hope, which only gets eradicated when you know it's over. There's no more time. There's nothing to be done.

"Arthur's okay," he hears entering his ears. But it wasn't really him hearing them. It was someone else. He was just in the background. In the subconscious. Remembering.

Even so, it gave him relief. So much relief... But it didn't stop him from weeping like a newborn baby does when it enters the world. It didn't stop the tears falling. He could feel them still-- Well, Sigan could.

It was like experiencing the world through the body of another, even though it was his body. Experiencing the world almost in third person, as an outsider. The noises he hears, everything he sees, everything he tastes, smells and feels is a secondary experience, almost.

He doesn't like being trapped.

Alone.

Pathetically sobbing.