behind the scenes (english)

Chapter 7

Estrella opened the door, a big box sitting on the dining table.

A note on the box read: "For Esta"

It was Celestino's handwriting. It got her excited, she hasn't seen him or heard from him in two days, though it had felt like an eternity.

She carried the box to her room, opening it to find a letter. His handwriting.

Hello Esta,

I know I love you and you do as well. I never thought I would fall for a smart person like you, but I did in the end. I don't regret anything of it, I am very life gave me this opportunity.

You made me very happy. From the first day I met you. By the time you made me smila at lunch, I hadn't smiled in months. Though I do have to admit that I thought you were going to get tired of me. I thought you wouldn't stick around for more than just a couple rounds of my shit. I thought you'd pack your bags and leave, but you never did.
By the time movie nights and sleepovers became a regular thing every friday, you meant the world to me. I will never forget the movies we watched and the fun we had. I felt safe with you.

The one night at the ocean was my favourite moment of all my life. I felt so loved.
Thank you for showing me what it felt like to be loved. In that moment I would have given you everything. If you'd drown, I would give you my lungs, so you could breathe.

I trust you with my past. You know what happened and I am very thankful that you never asked questions.

I love you. I really do.

By the time you are reading this, my past got up to me though. I will have left by the time you get this package.
Please, don't blame yourself. Holding on was getting harder, so I gave you love from my bones and I hope you got enough love, my little dove.

I kissed you and called you by a nickname I made up so wouldn't ever have to imagine. We never get to be boyfriend and girlfriend, we end up as star crossed lovers. The stars being inbetween us and seperating us, but please for the love of god, don't join me. I left because I felt horrible for using you, I felt horrible for being happy, for being hurt by my father. I hated myself because I couldn't do anything against me being depressed and addicted to self harm.

You're my rockstar. I want you to live the life I couldn't because life didn't give me the option to, like it gave me the oppoortunity to love you.

Everything in the box you find, is yours. Don't return it to my mother. I want you and only you to have these.
You will find a sweater to wear on the third december, my perfume and my favourite plushie I had, since I was a child, the star. It's name is whatever you want it to be.

I was the blue light sky and you were the stars. Now that I have faded to black, you can shine better.

I love you.
I'm sorry