I don't know what to call this

Searching

Aster
I miss Jason. He's been at the library for like foreverr. I guess I could go see him but the library kind of scares me, there are just so many books and while I like the quiet, it's just too quiet. Buuuuuuuuuutttt I think I miss him too much right now to care so I get out of my bed. Ellery is still sleeping in their bed so I leave a note on our board. I grab a big jacket from the hook thingy and put it on, walking out of the room. I'm not entirely sure where the library is but I have a general idea so I don't think I'll get lost. I walk around the campus until I find some big doors. I FOUND IT!!! I take a deep breath before walking in and looking for Jason. He wasn't at any of the stables so I start walking down the isles. The isles are too tight, it's making me feel weird. I can't find Jason and I'm starting to freak out. I keep taking deep breaths and continue trying to find him. Where is he? Okay- just find him just a few more isles. I hear something behind me and turn around. Jason! "Star?" Yay yay yay! "Jason! Hi!" He smiles at me and I walk closer to him. "I thought you didn't like libraries?" I like being close to him, he smells good. "I don't but I wanted to find you because I missed you!" He gives me a soft look and holds his hand out. "Well, I suppose I could use a break from studying, how about we get some food?" I take his hand. "Sounds great."
-
-
I'm so cold. And I'm so sleepy. It happens when the leaves change. I always feel taller too. I'm growing up I think. I'm walking and picking berries. A creature comes up to me smelling the air. I throw it a berry. The sky is grey today. I'm happy. I think I'll go up a tree and rest. I'm hungry. I think I'm looking for something. I'm not sure what. I don't remember. I always feel like I'm looking for something.
-
-
It's so dark. Maybe it's because I didn't open the window? Yea that's it. It's so cold, probably because I didn't open the window. I can't see so I'll just look for the window; yea, that seems about right. I'm not finding much of anything. My head hurts. Is it supposed to hurt this much? Maybe I have a headache, yea that makes sense. I'm in my dorm and it's dark because I have a headache. The floor doesn't feel right, it feels like concrete but no, no, that can't be. I'm in my dorm. I'm safe in my dorm. I keep feeling around. Now would be a nice time to have echolocation like a bat or whale. Or maybe it'd be a good time to see in the dark. I'm moving but I'm not meeting anything. This is odd but I'm sure it's nothing. Maybe I'm just dreaming. I keep looking for something, anything. Where's Ellery? Where's Ellery's bed? Where's my bed? Where's the carpet? I don't know but maybe if I keep looking maybe I'll find it. I keep walking. Did I always have that limp? Surely I did and just didn't notice. I keep looking. Normal headaches don't feel like this right? No no, I'm sure they do. I keep looking and walking and hoping until finally, finally my hands reach something but it's not the smooth texture of our walls. It's rougher, scratchier, like a rock found as far away as possible from a stream. Water has a way of making rocks smooth and this ?wall?certainly isn't smooth. Maybe I'm in the forest then? Yes, that must be it. I feel down the wall. It feels man-made, concrete. This is weird. I'll keep looking. I'm walking around, in circles probably. When I find one wall I walk in the other direction only to meet another. My pace quickens as I bounce off of one wall and to the next. No! Faster faster faster keep looking keep looking. I have to find something. I'm scared I'm so scared. I feel like a mouse stuck in a box. Running and running and running. I HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING!! I have to keep looking.
-
-
Everything's so new. Everyone's so new. I have a roommate now. I don't know how to talk to them though. I know how to talk but it's talking to people that's the hard part. What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to say it? I'm sitting on my bed, because I have a bed now and looking at him. They're tall. He reminds me of a tree. Oh! Maybe I could tell them that! No- I don't think I've heard anyone compare people to plants before but I do it in my head all the time. They have glasses and nice olive eyes, kind eyes. He's really pretty. They turn and look at me and I look at their hair. He smiles "Aster?" It's so odd to have my name said aloud by someone. No one said my name in the forest beside me. "Um?" Was that the right thing to say? "You alright?" I nod and check my phone. It's so weird. It's like a box but you can do everything on it. I'm looking for a text from my new friend Jason. "You sure?" I look back at my roommate, Ellery. I'm looking through my mind for something to say. "Yes." They nod and go back to reading. I look around my new room and smile.
-
-
I wake up with a start to all the beeping once again. I try to sit up but it hurts too much. There's tunnels in my arms leading to sacks of stuff. I don't like this. The beeping is so loud. I want to curl up and cry. I want to find Ellery and Jason and just hide. I want the forest.