What the stars said

32🩷

what is pain they ask me,
I tell them
my soul turned red due to the blood on their hands,
knees weak but still they stand,
the tighter I hold onto the sand in my palm,
the faster it slips through my fingers,
a sense of loss lingers,
in need of more than just the physical realm,
it's in the waves of the ocean that reach the shore to kiss my feet and go back to their home,
it's in the quest of knowledge for something bigger than you and me and all that we hear and see,
believing we are free when even life is limited,
what a lie what a lie what a life,
holding me so tightly that I cannot breathe,
loving me but never setting me free,
bounded to a force that we cannot conceive or understand,
making fists out of anger and printing moon crests in our hands,
loving so purely that it hurts
being loved so impurely that it hurts
it doesn't hurt the imagination they have of me,
their perfect me, their polished me
it hurts me, the vulnerable me, the flawed me,
so let's light up a cigarette
and set our fucking souls on fire,
you never fucking saw me anyways
- I'm a passionate liar,
because if it does not burn
it's not worth a goddamn thing,
not if it doesn't pull my goddamn strings,
can we be lost in my neverland?
damn these walls that cage me in my own hell,
looking in the mirror not recognising my own self,
who is this person with all these faults
and and all these scars,
who is this person with empty eyes 
locked up behind prison bars,
who am I without all of your colours,
am i just a blank piece of paper?
because you are all the colours imprinted
on every part of my soul,
and they are not all beautiful
it's all a game but in this act of life
they never revealed my role,
roaming in circles never getting out,
fears, lies and a thousand doubts,
what would it feel like to be home I wouldn't know,
so ask me again what's so special about the pain,
I'll tell you it's existing in pure vain,
seeking for the pleasure that comes within the pain,
goddamn it is it the world or me who's insane

                                   - sneha, 02/02/2022, 2:26am