Save Me || Jungwon ff ||

Feel better

"So, Hyuna." Jungwon says after our smiles dialed down.

"Yes?" I ask, wondering why he randomly called my name.

"Nothing, I just like your name. It's a pretty name." He says as memories flash into my head. I feel my eyes sting due to the tears forming in my eyes.

"Hey, you ok?" He asks me as he softly rubs my arm. I shake my head as tears flow down my face.

"He- he used to say that, all the time." I say, my voice cracking a couple times due to the lump in my throat.

"What, that your name is pretty?" He asks and I nod my head slightly.

"He took every chance he got to say my name just because he thought it was pretty." I say, sniffling here and there. I suddenly feel a warm embrace take over me as I sit there, letting my emotions out.

"Do you mind telling me what his name was?" Jungwon asks, patiently.

"Choi Jinyung. He was my first love. First boyfriend. First kiss. I want him back." I say, letting everything that I have bottled up flow out. Jungwon softly rubs my back as I cry in his arms. I've never felt so vulnerable and comfortable at the same time in my life. Something about him makes it easy. Easy to talk to. Easy to open up to. Easy to trust. Easy to feel comfortable around.

"How did he..die?" Jungwon asks, hesitantly.

"Cancer. They found it when it was too late. He was already in stage three and it spread fast. My life changed forever in a matter of days. Then, he was just- gone." I let out all my thoughts, not really caring about anything around me. I finally wipe my tears, sitting up and looking at jungwon. In this moment, I feel confused and hopeless.

"My chest hurts." I say and he nods, automatically understanding what I mean.

"It'll get better, you just have to give it time." Jungwon says.

"I don't know. Some days, I feel like I can get through this. Other days I feel hopeless." I say and he nods.

"You will never get past the pain. If he was really that important, you're never gonna forget his death. You'll learn how to live with it. Live with your pain, not live through your pain." Jungwon says.

"But how?" I ask, desperately wanting clarity.

"That is something you'll figure out on your own, maybe with the help of someone else." Jungwon says. "But one thing that can help is remembering the good times. Whenever you guys made eye contact and it gave you butterflies. When you guys kissed for the first time. When you realized you liked him. When he confessed. Your first date. That may seem hard but it'll help with the pain in the long run." Jungwon says while a few tears escape my eyes.

"I just realized we're practically strangers." I say, attempting to change the subject, which Jungwon quickly caught onto.

"No, we introduced each other so now we're friends." Jungwon says and I let a giggle escape my mouth.

"It's getting late, want me to walk you home?" Jungwon asks.

"Just a second. Can we just sit in silence for a while?" I say, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths, letting myself feel the pain.

I vision the good times. His gummy smile. The way he would scrunch his nose whenever he was focused. Little things he would do to make me happy. I remember the good things about him. It feels like a little weight is lifted. Not all of it, but a pound or two.

"Ok, we can go now." I say, starting to feel tired and ready to go home.

"Before we go, you have to promise me you wont try to hurt yourself." Jungwon says, giving me a soft look. I look up into his eyes, questioning whether I can keep that promise or not.

"Pinky promise." He says, holding up his pinky, ready to intertwine it with mine. My mind hesitates, but my hand suddenly goes up, latching my pinky to his.

"I'll try." I say, earning a small smile from him.

"That's good enough for me." He says, as our hands go back to our sides and we start walking.

"So, lead the way. I'll just make sure you get home safely." He says and I nod. We just walk in silence, not awkward but calm. We eventually get to my house.

"This is it." I say and he stops in front of me, looking down at me. "Wow, I didn't realize you were this tall." I say, and he chuckles at my statement.

"I'm only 5'11, my other friends are taller. Maybe, if we meet again, I can introduce you to them." He says and I nod.

"I doubt we'll meet again. But thank you. I still don't want to be here, but you made it a little better." I say and he shakes his head. He suddenly pulls me in for a hug.

"I know we are technically still strangers, but you deserve to be here, just like everyone else. Try not to think of life as a punishment, but a gift. You're trying to take your life away, the one thing Jinyung would want back. I didn't know him, but this isn't what he would have wanted, that I'm sure of. Be strong, if not for yourself, for him." Jungwon says, sending me into another round of tears. How is he so good at this? It's like he knows exactly what to say.

"You should be a therapist." I say, in between sniffles.

"Nah, that's not for me." He says, making me chuckle.

"Well, I should go in." I say and he nods.

"Are your parents going to be mad that you're home late?" Jungwon asks.

"I don't have a dad. Mom's abroad. Work thing." I say and he nods.

"Don't feel too lonely." He says, making another chuckle slip my mouth.

"I'll try." I say, walking up the stairs to the front porch.

"Trying is good. Well, bye, sweet dreams!" Jungwon says, making the corners of my lips pull up into a slight smile.

I open the front door, walking into the empty, depressing house. I go straight to bed, hoping these past two months are just a nightmare and I'll wake up with Jinyung sleeping peacefully next to me. I've hoped that for two months now, nothing has changed.