NICKNAMES [1], jj maybank

CHAPTER 19

"JJ!" I swat his arm. "I'm kidding. I'm kidding!" He starts to walk down the stairs and I follow him.

"Wait, you have a blunt?" Stupid question on my part but he still reaches through all his pockets and pulls one out. He can't just pull out a blunt in the middle of my house.

"Put it away!"

"You ask me if I have one—"

"We're in my house!" JJ takes a look around,"Oh yeah, sorry."

"Guys?" My mom calls out and JJ and I panic to shove the blunt into one of his many pockets on his cargo shorts. "Rachel!" JJ smiles as my mom comes into view. "Hi, where are you two going?"

"Just to the dock out back, don't worry," I reassure her. "Well, don't burn to the ground. Also, you need to talk to Blake," My face drops and I see JJ's turn to me, confused. I told her not to bring it up the other day so why did she just open her mouth up? "Who's Blake?" JJ rocks back and forth on his heels. I give my mom a look before turning back to JJ.

I'm not going to lie but I also don't want him to remember Blake's name. Then again, he might've been too drunk to remember her words that weren't directed at him. I don't even say a word to my mom and just drag JJ outside. "Woah—Hey, was I not supposed to know who the hell Blake is?"

"You don't remember any Blakes? At all?" JJ ponders for a second, "No, no Blake in my head."

"There's not much in there to begin with—" JJ smacks me upside the head and I let out a groan. "Tell me who Blake is—you're confusing me."

  For fucks sakes, it's on the tip of my tongue to let it spill out at any second. My mouth keeps opening and stuttering but it won't come out. "Darlin', please tell me," He reaches for my hand and I let him take it for a second,"Blake is my—brother," My voice travels off. "Oh—OH! Are you still the oldest?" My eyes roll at his immediate question, "No, actually I just found out they're twins. There's a girl I know nothing about," I lie through my teeth.

  After the past couple days I found her social media and Blake's. Not surprisingly, Vanessa is more active. Blake posts things with his friends and travel pictures. Vanessa has like the same but she just posts more frequently. The occasional stand alone selfie litters her page. "You're not gonna talk to them?"

"I don't know JJ—I—There's a lot of things that make not want to," I start to walk down the dock at the frustration of the conversation. It takes a second but I hear JJ follow after me. The ocean in front of me holds so many secrets—how is only 5% explored? I'm starting to realize I relate to the ocean.

I sit down on the dock with my legs swinging off. My feet are almost touching the water. I stare into the water and the urge to just—fall in comes to me. The more I stare the more it feels like I'm already sinking.

"There's something else going on—it's not just because they're your surprise siblings. What's going on Sam?" My own name sounds like it's ringing when it leaves his mouth. I find it hard to move my eyes from the water but they somehow shift to JJ as he sits down next to me. His presence washes over me and the sinking feeling from before fades away. "Why so serious?" I ask. "You're avoiding—stop bein' like this!" He jokingly shoves me. "I know your dumbass isn't talking about avoiding—"

"Shut up! Tell me!"

  My words are stuck in my throat again and no proper words are coming out. I can feel JJ staring at me and when I look back, suddenly I can say it, "He—he didn't hurt them. How come they got a good dad and I didn't?" My voice cracks despite my best efforts not to. That's when I know I can't talk after that.