his innocence

Chapter 31

Dedicated to: SA_JK27

Chapter 31

"Why?"

Nagulat ako sa basag na boses ni Lia nang harapin niya ako. Agad na nabura ang ngiti ko. I thought she pulled me here at the back of our house to greet me... or to give me her present.

Pero hindi. She looked mad.

"Gaddiel, you failed two of your subjects... to what? For what?"

Nalaglag ang balikat ko. How did she know that?

Agad akong binalot ng takot pero hindi ko matingnan nang diretso si Lia. I'm afraid I'll see how disappointed she is to me.

Kahit ako naman disappointed sa sarili ko. I don't really know why I failed. I don't want Lia to know that I failed...

Siya nalang palagi ang iniisip ko. I know it isn't healthy but I can't help it. I always wait for her to call me. To tell me about her day because that's what we always do when we're on call. To tell each other how's our day going. Pero habang tumatagal... nagiging minsan nalang.

I know she's busy that's why she can't call me and she thought I'm busy studying that's why she don't want to disturb me.

But Lia... I'm never busy when it comes to you. I wish you knew that... but you don't.

"Gaddiel, that's so not like you." she almost whisper those.

Mas lalo akong napayuko. She's crying and I can't bare to see her in tears.

"S-sorry," pinigilan ko ang pagkabasag ng boses pero hindi ko nagawa. I don't want to be the vulnerable and fragile Gaddiel anymore but God, here we go again.

What's wrong with me?

Napasinghap si Lia at tumalikod sa akin. Saka ko lang siya natingnan. Nakatingala siya ngayon sa langit. I tried to hold back my tears too but I can't.

There is really something wrong with me!

Bakit ang dali kong masaktan? Why am I so dumb to some things?

"Gaddiel, we should part ways."

Part ways...

She wants to break up with me. I know that but right now I want to be the clueless Gaddiel again. Iyong walang alam sa ibang mga bagay.

I wish I didn't know what she meant. I really wish I didn't.

"We're so young for this. I realized... we should've just remain friends from the start. I know I was the one who drag you into this and... and so,"

Bigla niya akong hinarap kaya hindi ko na nagawang umiwas pa.

"This is my fault." she then bit her bottom lip.

Nagsisisi ba siya? Nagpapikit ako. I want to wipe her tears right now...

But it feels like there's an invisible barrier between us now.

We were young.

Lia, I turned 18 today. You said you can even marry me today.

I badly wanted to say those. Pero parang wala na ako sa lugar.

"Mas magiging abala ako pagbalik ko doon. I can almost see my career. At ikaw sa course mo. I don't wanna be you distraction, Gaddiel... not your destruction." she said. "We're pursuing our dreams, Gaddiel." she manage to give me a smile. "Just imagine actually reaching those at last..."

She looks happy. She looks really happy when we're talking about our goals... kahit noon pa man.

I pressed my lips together. I understand every bits of her words. I know her points, I know she's right.

Pero nakakadurog.

Pinunasan ko ang luha ko. Hindi ako hihikbi. Hindi sa harap ni Lia.

"Are you happy? Kung masaya ka Lia, okay."

Ahh tears, can you stop now?

Masaya siya, nakikita ko naman.

"W-we should just remain friends. You're right, we're so y-young for this. You're right," Tumango-tango pa ako.

"Gaddiel,"

I don't want to end everything here.

"B-but we'll still message each other, right? During holidays, b-birthdays..."

Nakita kong natutop ni Lia ang bibig. Nanlalabo ang mga mata ko habang naghihintay ng sasabihin niya.

She gasp. "Of course, Gaddiel."

Tumango-tango ulit ako nang maraming beses. "Okay," Okay, that'll be fine.

Muli akong tinalikuran ni Lia at tumingala. I really want to hug her now. To comfort her... even for the last time?

Gusto kong takbuhin ngayon ang kwarto ko at doon ibuhos ang lahat pero gusto ring manatili rito at magbakasakaling babawiin ni Lia ang pagbalik niya sa ibang bansa.

Na mananatili nalang siya dito para sa akin-- which is so selfish of me to even think about it.

"Wala akong pangarap, Gaddiel. Would you believe that?" The Grade 11, Lia chuckled after I asked her about her plans after senior high.

Siya ang unang nagtanong at sinagot ko siya na gusto kong mag-aral ng Law. I saw how amaze she was after I told her my dream job without even thinking about it.

"Buti ka pa. Feel mo, anong bagay sa akin na course sa college?" she asked me.

I look at her. Lahat naman yata bagay sa kanya. Pero naghihintay talaga siya ng sasabihin ko kaya kung ano nalang ang sinabi ko.

"Uh, Engineering?"

She narrowed her eyes at me. My face heated up because it's so cute of her.

"I can't draw Gaddiel!" she exclaimed and I can't help but chuckled.

"I'm sorry,"

"Ano pa?" she pursed her lips and hit my shoulders. Mas pinigilan ko tuloy ang pagtawa ko.

"Tourism?"

Umiling siya. "Nah, I can't smile for the whole flight, you know."

Yeah, I imagine a smug looking attendant. Ahh, still pretty though. Umiling ako sa iniisip.

"Medicine?"

"I'm afraid I might kill my patients,"

Wala sa sarili akong mapatango kaya nahampas na naman niya ako sa braso.

"You really think I'll kill people?" asik niya.

Umiling ako ng ilang beses habang ikinukompas pa ang palad. I smiled at her and that shifted her mood again.

She may look as if she's only taking everything lightly but I know she's overthinking about it. Na bakit wala siyang gusto? Na bakit parang walang bagay sa kanyang course? Hindi niya lang sinasabi pero napapansin ko iyon.

I'm observing her all the time that's why I know. Alam kong sa doon na bagay siya nahihirapan.

Kaya naman manghang-mangha ako nang malamang sa wakas may nakahiligan na siya. Her like in concrete and that's about fashion and modeling. I feel so happy for her. Finally, Lia.

Pero hindi ko inaasahan na 'yon pala ang maglalayo sa aming dalawa.

Remembering everything... it made me successful now-- but not completely.

So I've been praying to Him.

For the time to come where I can call my self completely successful.