Times when I think about us

Lifeless

To write down each moment when I think of you- living, would take an indefinite time period. Rewinding and replaying every second that I've spent in your presence is never going to make me feel tired. I play these memories on the big screen- the sky, which tells our story to those who are willing to listen. Like the movies with its heart throbbing twists at the end, leaving us all astounded in our seats, I wish for you all to sit down and watch this one too. This one is not wholly about lovers living happily ever after but about the broken promises that friends leave us with.

Let me get to the thriller first itself. You had asked me to meet you by the ocean at the time when the sun would be about to set, so that we could watch the sunset together and you also mentioned that you had something special to tell me. These thoughts kept me restless throughout the night and allowing me to wake up at the crack of dawn. The rest of the day was a blur vision through my eyes until it was time to head out at our decided location where you were supposed to be waiting for me. My cheeks hurt from all the smiling that I could not stop myself from doing. Only to get there and realise that I was way too late to catch you in time. I could hear the crowd that had gathered there, whispering the words that I did not want to hear. You lay there by the ocean- lifeless. They said that the ocean had gulped you down and with much effort you were pulled out. All the blithesome, pulsing happiness that had dwelt in my face a few moments previously had vanished.

Today, a year has passed since that incident and I can never seem to get you off my mind, for I have a few unanswered questions that I had been intending to ask you. You have taken those answers with you, too far away from me. There are galaxies between the two of us of distances unknown. Some days I just wish that I could leap into the air, get a hold of your hand and pull you down from heaven up above, where you reside now. This is only a figment of my imagination. Only the ocean knows the message that you asked her to convey to your loved ones but I guess the ocean does not want us to know what it was. Maybe if I had told you, 'I love you' then would things be any different now?

I have bundled up the mystery about us and kept it hidden in my cupboard for I do not want to be living a lie (which if it is). I imagine you to be that star which shines the brightest amongst the rest in the night sky. I always remember to smile at you (the star) every night before I go to bed. In the end, when the choice will be mine- I will seek you amongst all the stars. I'll dance to the beats of your heart to keep you alive, not only within me but among all the people who will listen carefully to the music that I have been dancing to- your heartbeat.

You had written down your bucket list on a piece of paper, folded it in the shape of an airplane and threw it high up in the air for me to catch. I sit now, unfolding that paper. A dreamer's eyelashes are often heavy as the tears pour down through the eyes because of unfulfilled dreams but I wish to live through and complete each one of the things listed on that paper.

Your memories are sharpened in my mind each time I am under the sunlight for the warmth that I feel makes me think that I am being held in your arms once again. Each time that I close my eyes to think of you- you look like dawn as you are my provider of new hope which pushes me to pursue new beginnings and to keep going ahead in line among all the chaos between which I stand. In the lucid dreams that I have of us, the grey skies turn into pink as we witness the most beautiful sunset and dance underneath it. The ocean right beside us, bathed in bright blue with a pinch of pink looks so calm and gentle with its waves. The sunset reminds me of your eyes, in which I would gladly want to drown- finding no escape from the beauty of nature and you.

There is something sour about sunsets now, it still reminds me of you but also the fact that I can't witness another sunset with you by my side. Each time that I see a shooting star, I wish for you to be safe in whichever part of the universe you are. As far as I am concerned, till the day that I will be alive, I will fulfill all the dreams of yours that you have left behind and then I will beautifully arrange the constellations of your dreams so that you can see it. I will be waiting for you at the end of the world.