Wounds of Fire (THE PRESTIGE 2)

SC 01: Healed

Last years were blur.

I was so...lost and broken. I felt like my life suddenly turned into blank canvas. Plain white. Empty. No emotions. No needs and desire. Just...pure space. Pure silence.

My life was once full of colors. But I just woke up one day, it was so dull. It's so messy and I don't know where to start to fix it.

"Why does your artworks...is black and white?"

Napahinto ako sa pakikipag-usap sa ilang bumisita. Nagulat pa ako nang makita kung sino iyon. She smiled at me.

"So, why black and white? Ang tagal ko nang gusto itong itanong pero..."

Wala rin sa sariling sinuri ko ang ilang proyekto na natapos ko. All of it is a scenery. A fragments of my memory which I don't want to forget. It supposed to give you a calm, relaxing and colorful feelings, but as I look at my artworks, I can't feel nothing...but loneliness and longingness.

"Well, if you don't mind." Helena added.

"Just because." I simply said.

She nodded simultaneously. "Representation of your soul, Adrielle. I see."

My lips turned a grim line. Hindi ko pinahalata na nagulat ako sa sinagot nito...Alam kong iyon kasi ang totoo.

The unfamiliar pain stretched in my chest. It's so degrading and demeaning. It's so intense that it gets to the point that I always struggle to sleep each night.

Umiiyak ako. Palagi akong umiiyak. Namamaluktot sa sariling higaan dahil sa tindi ng sakit. May mga pagkakataon na hindi ko malaman ang rason. Hindi ko maalala kung bakit ako nasasaktan at para kanino ako nasasaktan. At mas lalo akong kinakain ng sakit sa tuwing maala-ala ko ang mga dahilang iyon isang araw...tapos makakalimutan na naman...maaalala ko ulit...paulit ulit.

I was stuck.

It's so frustrating because I can't even figure out the concept of life anymore. I felt like...I am running out of time. I want to come back to a place I am familiar with but I couldn't figure out how.

Or maybe, I stopped finding it in the middle. I let myself to wander in the unknown, not knowing where to go, not knowing how far I'll go...away from my own home.

And it took me eleven years to finally found my way back.

"I was...with you for almost eleven years and never did once, you paint something in color. It's always...black and white...Like this." Pilit itong ngumiti. I don't know if it just me but I saw a glint of pain in her eyes but it disappeared easily.

No matter how much I despise her family, I couldn't hate her just as much I hate her siblings and her brother. She stick with me. Kahit ilang beses ko rin siyang pinagtabuyan noon, nanatili siya sa tabi ko.

Ang sabi, ay dahil sa utang na loob kaya niya ginagawa iyon. Naintindihan ko naman. Pero kung ako kasi ang tatanungin, ayaw kong may masira pang buhay ng dahil sa akin.

Tama na iyong ako lang. Kung maghirap ako, ayos lang basta ayokong may madamay pa. Tama nang ako na lang.

"It's boring. Right?"

"What do you mean?"

I surveyed the whole exhibition of my works. "This. My works. You said it yourself...it's lifeless."

It took her a while to answer. "Isn't it that the purpose of artworks, Adrielle? It supposed to feel you something."

Nanatili akong nakikinig.