NICKNAMES [1], jj maybank

CHAPTER 17

I always said that the thought of marriage scares me—it still does— don't get me wrong but when I think about it with JJ, I feel so much better about it. I had never thought about marrying JJ until now but the thought of marriage is no longer a sickening feeling when I put him in the equation. It makes me want to give the ring back in fear that I'm even thinking about it.

He leans against his dresser and flips his hat backwards. It's not fair how pretty JJ is. Everything is catching up to me now and I'm letting myself admire him for the first time without guilt. "Would you even say yes? We've discussed that marriage is a trap and the relationship turns to dogshit after."

  I shrug my shoulders, "If you randomly proposed to me if we were like 32 with no partners or kids, I'd say yes." I'm really trying to play this smooth and actually fully go along with whatever is happening here. "So I guess I will avoid marriage and kids till I'm 32."

  The smirk on his face let me know that he knows what he's doing. "Stop—I'm serious," I try my best to send him a glare but a smile plays on my face. I stare at that ring and though it has no gems or diamonds, it still shines so bright. "I realized I never said I love you back so, I love you too," My words seem to linger in the room for a second. "If you add too it sounds like you're agreeing."

"Well, I love you." I state a matter of factly which makes JJ a bit happier. "Oh—so is that you forgiving me?"

"Watch it, or I'll take back everything, Maybank."

  I meant every word I said. Except the part where I'd only marry him if we were 32 and lonely. I'd marry him at any point, with the ugliest fucking ring I'd say yes. I'm only just realizing right now that despite everything, as long as I had JJ, I'd be fine and that fucking terrifies me. I watch his every move and I feel my dumbass heart get ten times bigger. "I haven't talked to Dean, I don't know if you caught on."

"Really?!" JJ is way too excited about this,"I mean, really? Why? No, I can't pretend, actually, there's no way I can." I'm not surprised, why would I be?

I thought about what might happen if I told him we kissed. JJ sits on his bed and fixes his blanket to lay with his hands behind him on his pillow. His shirt rides up a bit revealing his V-line and I make myself look away. "So, why?"

He definitely does not want to hear why. "You can't get mad," I point at him. "That's definitely a lot to ask from me, sweet stuff but I can try, for you."

I push JJ over to make room for myself on his own bed. "I—kissed him," I lean down closer to him. If I didn't move in time he would've head butted me when he jumped up,"Why?!"

"Because I thought I wanted to? And you nearly just knocked me out with your big ass head—"

"I told you not to trust him and you smack lips with him?" I co tell if he is genuinely mad or trying to be dramatic. Images of Dean's face changing to the boy in front me come back every now and again. "Are you mad?"

"No! Concerned!"

"Well, I realized I didn't like him as much as I thought so stop being concerned!" Even though I'm yelling there's a smile on my face. "This is astonishing!"

"You didn't even know what that word meant until I told you," I laugh. "Did I use it correctly?" JJ is proud of himself when I nod my head yes. If I tell him that I saw him, it would ruin our friendship. "Remember when you didn't know what livid meant until I told you?"

JJ glares at me,"You can't do math, let me not be good at English."

"You're good at math because you smoke weed daily," I make a point but JJ just blows it off. Both our phones vibrate at the same time so I know it's the group chat.